If you really want to take the wind out of an innocent person’s sails first thing in the morning, tell them about your stillborn baby. That does the trick. Yesterday was the first day of school, and I was lucky enough to have an easy and anonymous day in the kindergarten wing, where none of…
Tag: baby loss
The Summer of My Initiation
It’s almost time to go back to school. Being in the school building this past week, I could feel reality setting in. It’s time to get my act together. Before I get completely immersed in that (so to speak), there are a few more things I need to officially process. I think all summers are…
How Am I?
Disclaimer: As I reread this post, I see that it is on the grumpy side. It is not beautiful. I’m still gonna post it, because, well, blogging has become my therapy and there’s no turning back now. You’re stuck with me. (And if you don’t read this, I’ll never know.) When people ask me “How…
A Blessed Event
We are an incredibly fortunate family. I have always known I was a very lucky girl, and I have always tried not to take things for granted… although, of course, all of us do sometimes. But I have never been more aware of my blessings than I am right now. From the moment we began…
Sebastian
Today was the due date of my second son. Since it is also the birthday of my amazing Mama, a woman with more creative talents than I can name, I am posting (with her permission) the poem she wrote for him. Sebastian I know you. I know the germ of you The precious material of…
One Month
A few days ago, on August 8th, I began a post about it being one month since Sebastian’s birth. I’ve always been the type to measure and commemorate, even just with some focused thoughts, the anniversaries (and monthaversaries and weekaversaries) of important things in my life. I guess it makes me feel closer to those…
Learning about grief
I don’t have a lot of experience with grief. Today, one month after Sebastian’s death, I have been reading about the experiences of other “babylost” parents on two websites, glow in the woods and Unspoken Grief. There is a lot I relate to in the words of these bereaved mothers and fathers. I’ve also been…
Day One, Part II
[Note to readers: This has been the hardest post for me to write. It may be the same to read. Just thought you should know.] Sean and I both feel very lucky to live in the time and place we do. Here in Ontario, in 2011, if an extra ultrasound is offered or asked for,…
Day One: Bereaved Parents
It is strange to think back to Friday, June 8th. For one thing, I can’t believe it’s already been twelve days since then. For another, I can’t believe it’s only been twelve days since then. But above all, it was an inherently strange day. We left the hospital with our painful news and a prescription…
Expecting the unexpected
Sebastian was a surprise pregnancy. Ovum and spermatazoon meeting clandestinely when their parents least suspected. Upon losing him, it was inevitable that I would go back and remember the little things that suddenly seem big. I feel awful for that moment, however brief, when I knew for sure I was pregnant and panicked a little…