This is a picture of the bracelet I have been wearing every day in 2012, in the hopes that its auspicious message would sink in, beyond my skin, to my soul. This January, when I found out that I was indeed pregnant with our third child, I experienced a split-second of pure, undiluted joy. The…
Tag: baby loss
The Angel Tree
This week, we went to our local cemetery in Sebastian’s honour – for the first time. We were told by a friend (thank you, C) about something called the Angel Tree, in the children’s section of the Memorial Garden. Bereaved parents were invited to put an ornament on the tree in remembrance of a deceased…
The Year You Were Here
Dear Sebastian, Today is the last day of the year 2011. This has been a very special year for us. In 2011, we heard your heart beating. We saw you swimming around in my womb, and we found out you were a boy. In 2011, I got to feel you moving inside me, and it…
Stillbirth: O Magnum Mysterium
This Tuesday, Sean and I were back at the out-of-town hospital, to speak again with the doctor about Sebastian’s autopsy. Thankfully, this time we didn’t wait long at all – and we had already eaten lunch at my favourite Indian restaurant, so that helped my state of mind. The doctor cut right to the chase:…
Why I Vaccinate My Child
I first became truly aware of vaccination when I was about eleven. I’d had my standard (Ontario) childhood vaccinations, but didn’t remember them, and hadn’t actually thought about them. Then I read a story about Edward Jenner in Cricket magazine – and I never forgot it. As you may know, Jenner was the English scientist…
Little bits of blue
Many times in the past couple weeks, for some reason, I’ve found myself thinking about Sebastian’s hair. People who didn’t know me as a kid are surprised when they see E’s platinum-blondness – but I never was. I figured he didn’t have a choice, since Sean and I were both blond as kids. I got…
Encroaching November
I was a little not-myself this weekend. I had several of those FAIL moments where I couldn’t believe my own stupidity, including locking my entire purse in the car and turning what should have been a nice TGIF dinner with my girlfriends into a parking-lot fest during which I had to borrow one friend’s phone…
Every gal has her limit
As I said in my last post, Sean and I were off on Friday because we had an appointment. It happened to be an appointment at an out-of-town hospital, to speak to a specialist about Sebastian’s autopsy. In the past three-and-a-half months, I have discovered that, fortunately for me, I am not very susceptible to…
How the Little Boy Saved the Summer
I’ve finally finished reading Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, after almost three months. It’s not a book I always felt like reading, but I’ve been glad to have it around. Funnily enough, just during E’s crankiest sick days last month, I got to the part about parenting your previous and subsequent children after experiencing a loss….
What to say to the parents of a stillborn baby
At my parents’ house on the weekend, my dad handed me the local paper and said, “You’ll be interested in this.” Yes, I was. It was a series of articles called Breaking the Silence, focusing on baby loss. The next day, I wrote a letter to thank The Spectator for their feature, which talks about…