From the Pages of Mini-Di: “Minimal Attributes for Guys”

As I think I’ve mentioned, I used to be a prolific diary-writer. I had journals in all sizes, mostly supplied by my dad, and wrote oodles about everything, from the very shallow to the almost-philosophical. Sometimes I look through these volumes (29 and counting, plus supplementary quasi-journals) and am amazed/embarrassed/taken aback/reduced to tears of laughter by the things I wrote.

Here is a classic example, written in July of 1992 (making me 14 years old). It really shows off my dorkiness. I must add a disclaimer: this is not a list of requirements for a boyfriend, since by that time I had only had one pseudo-boyfriend and did not assume myself likely to have another any time soon. This was just a list of requirements for me to like a boy. I don’t even think I followed these guidelines – I’m certain I never consulted this list when considering my next crush – so we just have to chalk it up to Dilovely being a compulsive list-maker from a young age. I have not abridged it, in spite of strong urges to leave out the most cringe-worthy bits.

Here we go…

Minimal Attributes for Guys (I think I meant “minimum”)

  • can’t smoke, do drugs, etc.
  • can’t be prejudiced in any way [whoo! tall order]
  • can’t vote PC [good grief, kid, you’re 14!]
  • can’t be stupid
  • must be smart [ohhh! I get it now.]
  • must like cats
  • must care about environment
  • can’t be occupied [transl. = taken, ie. if you have a girlfriend, I don’t even like you!]
  • must have a sense of humor [sic]
  • can’t stink
  • must like hugs
  • can’t be a yuppie [this is my parents’ influence – didn’t suffer yuppies gladly – what did I mean? I think I meant can’t be overly materialistic]

Would be nice if he

  • has dark hair
  • is taller than me
  • gives kisses to trolls [remember trolls? They were cute. I think some guy I knew had kissed a troll in my presence and obviously it made an impression.]
  • has good taste in music
  • isn’t a slob
  • doesn’t wear a baseball cap
  • has Quaker beliefs
  • can dance
  • goes to Camp
  • cares about animals

I’m proud to say, my husband rates very high on both these lists! Way to go, honey! I totally scored. Except for that troll-kissing thing – and that can be remedied. 🙂

Pink-haired troll
I love their li'l bellybuttons.

8 thoughts on “From the Pages of Mini-Di: “Minimal Attributes for Guys”

  1. Quinn says:

    That’s so funny! I think every little girl makes at least one of these lists growing up. I remember mine included “being able to catch something that’s thrown to him without warning.” Evidently that was a sign of a real man, to me. Yay for journals!

    • diblog says:

      Ooh! That IS hot. I agree with that one. Never tested it on Sean, though I know he has “grocery store reflexes” for catching falling objects.

  2. emoley says:

    Ha ha ha, kissing trolls! Has he done it yet?

    Can dance… this one is subject to qualification. Being able to perform brief bursts of leprechaun hip-hop for the camera is different from taking you salsaing. Sean’s score is in question here.

  3. Krista says:

    Okay, I howled out loud at “can’t vote PC”!! Love it. This reminds me of a list that I made, but much more recently. I read somewhere (that ubiquitous source of reading) that one should, in the spirit of thinking positively in the dreary and dismal world of dating, make a list of 100 qualities that her ideal mate would have. The idea is that this somehow puts it out into the universe and you attract the right partner, instead of all those wrong ones. So…. I made a list! It was hard to get 100. (In fact I might be a couple short… maybe I can add “can’t vote PC!”) But impressively, the next guy I dated ended up having a large percentage of those qualities! Unfortunately, the one he didn’t possess was the “madly in love with me” trait. Too bad!

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