This Tuesday, Sean and I were back at the out-of-town hospital, to speak again with the doctor about Sebastian’s autopsy. Thankfully, this time we didn’t wait long at all – and we had already eaten lunch at my favourite Indian restaurant, so that helped my state of mind. The doctor cut right to the chase:…
Tag: stillbirth
Little bits of blue
Many times in the past couple weeks, for some reason, I’ve found myself thinking about Sebastian’s hair. People who didn’t know me as a kid are surprised when they see E’s platinum-blondness – but I never was. I figured he didn’t have a choice, since Sean and I were both blond as kids. I got…
How the Little Boy Saved the Summer
I’ve finally finished reading Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, after almost three months. It’s not a book I always felt like reading, but I’ve been glad to have it around. Funnily enough, just during E’s crankiest sick days last month, I got to the part about parenting your previous and subsequent children after experiencing a loss….
What to say to the parents of a stillborn baby
At my parents’ house on the weekend, my dad handed me the local paper and said, “You’ll be interested in this.” Yes, I was. It was a series of articles called Breaking the Silence, focusing on baby loss. The next day, I wrote a letter to thank The Spectator for their feature, which talks about…
How to put a serious damper on someone’s morning
If you really want to take the wind out of an innocent person’s sails first thing in the morning, tell them about your stillborn baby. That does the trick. Yesterday was the first day of school, and I was lucky enough to have an easy and anonymous day in the kindergarten wing, where none of…
Sebastian
Today was the due date of my second son. Since it is also the birthday of my amazing Mama, a woman with more creative talents than I can name, I am posting (with her permission) the poem she wrote for him. Sebastian I know you. I know the germ of you The precious material of…
One Month
A few days ago, on August 8th, I began a post about it being one month since Sebastian’s birth. I’ve always been the type to measure and commemorate, even just with some focused thoughts, the anniversaries (and monthaversaries and weekaversaries) of important things in my life. I guess it makes me feel closer to those…
Learning about grief
I don’t have a lot of experience with grief. Today, one month after Sebastian’s death, I have been reading about the experiences of other “babylost” parents on two websites, glow in the woods and Unspoken Grief. There is a lot I relate to in the words of these bereaved mothers and fathers. I’ve also been…
Family Camp
We arrived home from Family Camp about 25 hours ago. E was such an incredibly good boy all day yesterday (in spite of having decided he’s definitely two years old all of a sudden – also in spite of pouring rain, being stuck in the backpack while Mommy swept floors, not being able to go…
Day One, Part II
[Note to readers: This has been the hardest post for me to write. It may be the same to read. Just thought you should know.] Sean and I both feel very lucky to live in the time and place we do. Here in Ontario, in 2011, if an extra ultrasound is offered or asked for,…