Today was the due date of my second son. Since it is also the birthday of my amazing Mama, a woman with more creative talents than I can name, I am posting (with her permission) the poem she wrote for him. Sebastian I know you. I know the germ of you The precious material of which you are made Your […]

One Month

A few days ago, on August 8th, I began a post about it being one month since Sebastian’s birth. I’ve always been the type to measure and commemorate, even just with some focused thoughts, the anniversaries (and monthaversaries and weekaversaries) of important things in my life. I guess it makes me feel closer to those events, to think “It has […]

Learning about grief

I don’t have a lot of experience with grief. Today, one month after Sebastian’s death, I have been reading about the experiences of other “babylost” parents on two websites, glow in the woods and Unspoken Grief. There is a lot I relate to in the words of these bereaved mothers and fathers. I’ve also been reading the book we were […]

Family Camp

We arrived home from Family Camp about 25 hours ago. E was such an incredibly good boy all day yesterday (in spite of having decided he’s definitely two years old all of a sudden – also in spite of pouring rain, being stuck in the backpack while Mommy swept floors, not being able to go in the sandbox, etc.), and […]

Day One, Part II

[Note to readers: This has been the hardest post for me to write. It may be the same to read. Just thought you should know.] Sean and I both feel very lucky to live in the time and place we do. Here in Ontario, in 2011, if an extra ultrasound is offered or asked for, it is covered by OHIP. […]

Day One: Bereaved Parents

It is strange to think back to Friday, June 8th. For one thing, I can’t believe it’s already been twelve days since then. For another, I can’t believe it’s only been twelve days since then. But above all, it was an inherently strange day. We left the hospital with our painful news and a prescription in hand. Sean had parked […]

Expecting the unexpected

Sebastian was a surprise pregnancy. Ovum and spermatazoon meeting clandestinely when their parents least suspected. Upon losing him, it was inevitable that I would go back and remember the little things that suddenly seem big. I feel awful for that moment, however brief, when I knew for sure I was pregnant and panicked a little bit – I’m pretty sure […]

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