I have been struggling to write lately. Mostly because there’s this big, horrendous thing happening that weighs heavily on many of our minds… And it’s a thing that feels impossible to write about, but also impossible not to. On social media today, one f/Friend posted this: And another posted this: It’s American Thanksgiving, and although…
Tag: grief
Maybe a little bit of birthday celebration
Dear Sebastian, A week ago Sunday, as I was making black raspberry cobbler for your 12th birthday, I realized something. I thought back to the day of your birth, and your first and second birthdays, and how impossible it felt to “celebrate” the day back then. I could not conceive of making cake or blowing up…
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“Mom Grief” Could Apply To Anyone
A couple of months ago, I was talking with two of my colleagues about something we dubbed “mom grief.” The three of us are at different stages of our parenting journeys, but we agreed that there is a not-often-discussed grief that applies to all involved parents. Just seeing your children grow is incredibly beautiful, but…
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Gratitude to my Stillborn Son
Dear Sebastian, It’s that fragile time of year. It’s hot and humid here in southern Ontario – exceptionally so – which always makes me think of you. And cabbage leaves. (To be honest, fridge-cold cabbage leaves in the bra sounds like a pretty good idea right now. But it would definitely make me cry. The…
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Breaking the Ice with Words and Grief
Dear Sebastian, Forgive me. I know you need some attention. You’ve been persistently reminding me for more than a year, but somehow I haven’t managed to sit down and contemplate you properly. Last summer, your days were rushed into the beginning of Family Camp. I thought of you all the time, but couldn’t grieve or…
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Calling for Love in the Age of Global Bullying
The dust is settling. We know it’s not just a bad dream. The unthinkable has come to pass. That Trump dude is now the US President-Elect… and I think I’ve figured out why. I don’t mean why in terms of the Electoral College (which I make no claim to understand), or in terms of voter turnout (though there’s…
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Five Years to Miss You
Dear Sebastian, It’s now five years since your birth day; five years and about thirty-seven hours since your heart beat last. There is something about this year that has made my baby memories extra-vivid. I have thought of you so much this spring. I feel your days coming the first time the weather gets hot. Despite seemingly constant…
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#NaBloPoMo, Day 17: Grateful for #LoveOverFear
Yesterday, after a weekend of global shock and grief and feverish discussion over the Paris attacks, a Toronto woman was attacked from behind by two men while on her way to pick up her children at school. They pulled violently on her head scarf, took her down and beat her up. They accused her of being…
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Four Years Remembering You In This House
Dear Sebastian, Last week, it was four years since your death and birth. As always, we love you to the heavens and back, and miss you all the time. We have bought a new house. We will be moving to it at the end of the summer, and we are all really excited about it. Your…
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Sometimes it’s hard to find words.
Dear Sebastian, I hope you enjoyed the music yesterday. I loved listening, and feeling so close to you. The three women whose voices delivered our lullaby were singing with you in their hearts, thanks to the initiative of my dear friend C, who loves the song and felt that it should be shared in person. I haven’t been…
