This Means War: A game of “Who’s hotter?”

Sometimes on car trips, during a lull in conversation, I like to start up a game of “Who’s hotter?” At first, when I would ask Sean something like, “Okay, honey, who’s hotter: Alyson Hannigan or Cobie Smulders?” he was uncomfortable. I guess initially it didn’t seem like a good idea to talk about other people’s hotness with one’s wife. But now he’s used to it, and he joins in. He knows I won’t fly into a jealous rage. We discuss both men and women, to keep it fair.

It’s all very fluffy and superficial – mostly based on appearance, though occasionally other aspects enter into it. Recently, while in the car with Skye and Auntie Beth, we had some really tough ones to decide on, and had to bring in nationality and extra talents (for example, Anne Hathaway vs. Rachel McAdams was almost impossible; Anne almost got it because she can sing, but then… Rachel’s Canadian, to the point that she eschews L.A., which is impressive and heartwarming to Canucks).

Blah blah. Point is, we went to see the movie This Means War for Skye’s birthday, and it’s a classic game of who’s hotter. I decided not to call this a movie review, because I think it (the post, or the film? let’s say both) might be just too silly for an actual review. Plus, if I were to “spoil” this movie (and I won’t), it wouldn’t make much difference to the viewing experience, trust me.

this-means-war-reese-witherspoon-chris-pine-tom-hardy

When I told Sean what we were going to see, he said, “Uh… do you know what it’s about?” in this tone where I could tell it bombed out on Rotten Tomatoes. (I’ve just confirmed that critics gave it 26%, but audiences gave it 70%.)

It’s the tale of a love triangle between two best friends (and co-CIA-agents) and the one girl they each meet independently. I purposely did a little predicting to myself, about 15 minutes into the movie, just to see if I would be able to call the plot predictable. Guess what: I CAN. I was right about everything! Yay me.

But I didn’t hate it. None of the three of us who went to see it (all female) hated it. It was reasonably chuckleable, and the writing wasn’t awful, and the starring actors are all good (and good-looking) and we all agreed it was fun.

It would not be fun for everyone. Definitely don’t see this movie if:

  • You are an ex-spy or an ex-international criminal, suffering from work-related PTSD;
  • You have a phobia of blue eyes (don’t scroll down);
  • You have ever been stalked or had an intruder come into your house (I have to admit, I was chilled by the scene where the heroine is dancing blithely around in her kitchen, never seeing the two agents who have entered the house and are lurking – with the best of intentions, but still… the scene was one “ominous tone” away from a horror movie);
  • You have a zero-tolerance policy regarding shooting, explosions, breaking glass, fisticuffs, and the like;
  • You find Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, or Chris Pine repulsive. (Don’t scroll down.)

I’m not big on shooting and explosions myself, but I decided that the movie is actually a parody of spy films, seeing as all the action sequences were over-the-top ridiculous.

Also, This Means War does seem to be a valiant attempt to unite Guy Flick and Chick Flick: in addition to all the CIA-action madness, there is the love triangle! TWO men vying and longing for the affections of one woman, who luckily has a BFF to whom she tells everything. Plus: eye candy for all preferences. (Unless you insist on brown eyes.)

The romance part, it must be acknowledged, is ridiculous too – terrible, in fact. But fun, if you’re not hoping to get anything real out of it. Apart from the love triangle, there were, as it turns out, a couple moments that sorta made me go “Aww.” So that’s always nice.

But what’s my point here? Why write about this frivolous movie?

Why, to ask Who’s hotter, of course!

Who will our heroine pick? More importantly, who would YOU pick?

chris-pine

tom_hardy
I have my own opinion on this, of course – but it’s time for me to shut up so YOU can weigh in! It’s a fun game! (If you’re not hoping to get anything real out of it, of course.)

And here are Reese and her gams (during the filming of this movie – in Vancouver!), just for shiggles.

reese witherspoon legs

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16 thoughts on “This Means War: A game of “Who’s hotter?”

  1. Mama says:

    Tom Hardy is clearly a Russian double agent. So – he’s the obvious choice. How many guys can pull that off?

  2. Auntie CL says:

    well, the present trend in which men must look like they have forgotten how to shave turns me off, so considering all three protagonists equally, i’ll go for Reese Witherspoon, though basically, being very old and fuddy myself, i prefer older types…

    • diblog says:

      I agree – I’ve never been big on stubble. And Reese Witherspoon is pretty gorgeous. They make the most of her gams in this movie.

  3. Skye says:

    While an accent is nice (and an extra point for Tom Hardy, plus he has starred in a movie with my boyfriend, Leo), in the end Chris Pine gets my vote for hotter!

  4. emerge says:

    Oh, Tom Hardy, hands down. In spite of his name (imdb even has him billed as Thomas Hardy in earlier roles) and the fact that he looks like he would probably definitely either kill you or make you hate him forever. (I’m not sure what I’ve seen him in besides Inception, but then again he also reminds me of someone who is not him, whom I haven’t identified yet. Maybe several people.)

    Chris Pine is fine, but not in THAT way, to me. I don’t go for the super-pretty-long-lash eye thing. And I know you go for a plentiful eyebrow, Di, but those are too much for me.

    But Reese Witherspoon, yeah. Those guys don’t really hold a candle to her.

    Now, Rachel Mac vs Annaway – Rachel for sure. Not just because she’s Canadian, and pretty versatile in spite of always maintaining unflawed gorgeousness, but also because Anne seems almost like a real person. If a real person were proportioned like a Disney heroine with gigantic eyes and smile. Which is why I was very suspicious of her at first. In spite of her Disneyness, she does gritty quite well. Incl. Jane Austen in the mud and that girl with Parkinson’s in that movie. And the tortured rehab sister. And she can sing, but she does it with this endearing slight awkwardness, not completely polished, which also makes her seem less Hollywood and more real. I would sort of like to be friends with Anne. But Rachel seems like the captain of the cheerleaders, who exists mainly for hotness purposes and is probably not to be trusted (unless you’re Ryan Gosling).

    And now I think I’ve used up my in spite ofs, so that’s all.

    • diblog says:

      I agree, Emi – Tom HANDS DOWN. I thought you might peg me for Chris Pine because of the eyebrows, but somehow they don’t do it for me in his case. I think it’s maybe how pretty he is, as you mentioned. I dunno. But they were both fun to look at! And I enjoyed both of their styles, acting-wise.

  5. Krista says:

    I don’t know who is who… (note to Di – the movie impaired need some captions please) but I will take them both! And in case that’s not allowed… the top guy is better looking but the bottom guy is sexier. And yes, Reese (I know which one she is!!) is probably the hottest.
    😀

  6. berty says:

    Top guy is too cute – a little like a teddybear – I’d probably just want to grab him by the ears and rub his nose with my nose! Underneath guy = better; more character. Not top guy’s fault, as nobody blames a teddybear for not having character. Haven’t seen the movie, but I’m guessing Ms ‘spoon takes the cake for sheer tastiness. (Did you really not include a shot of her, or did I just miss it?? Want to see great gams!!)

    • diblog says:

      You’re absolutely right! I’ve added a new photo since she so richly deserves it. (And so do the Di-hards.) If I neglect the captions (sorry!), you can always hover your cursor over a photo and the name will come up.

  7. Erin T says:

    Well, Chris Pine somehow looks more magnetic on the poster. But in the trailer, he distracted me because I kept thinking he was Michael C. Hall. (I know – you are thinking: “But Michael C Hall has HAZEL eyes. Maybe I have paid more attention to “Dexter” than I thought.)

    But the award must go to Tom Hardy. And this is because I very seldom ever notice the acting talent of eye candy, and yet I recently came out of “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” going: Who the heck was THAT guy? I thought he was fabulous as Ricki Tarr. (Second only to Simon McBurney, who is always fabulous, and has the best toast-buttering scene ever filmed in TTSS.) And talent, even occasionally wasted talent, is hawt.

    BTW, the last “Who the heck was THAT guy?” was elicited by Dominic Cooper, who was the sleezy friend (but awesome dancer!) Danny in “An Education” back in 2009. I hope he will be one half of a future Dilovely poll 🙂

    • diblog says:

      Totally agree, talent is hot. That is why I adore James McAvoy – who, by the way, worked with Dominic Cooper in Starter for Ten (which I think you’d enjoy if you haven’t seen it). (Did you know D.C. was also in Mamma Mia?? How versatile!)

      And NOW, I’m gonna have to see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

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