[Note to readers: This has been the hardest post for me to write. It may be the same to read. Just thought you should know.]
Sean and I both feel very lucky to live in the time and place we do.
Here in Ontario, in 2011, if an extra ultrasound is offered or asked for, it is covered by OHIP. If I’d actually had to pay $75-$150 to have a follow-up ultrasound for echogenic bowel, especially since we were told it rarely amounts to anything, we simply wouldn’t have done it. It was a fluke that we had a test at that specific time. I would have gone to the midwife that day and my appointment would have been totally unremarkable: my abdomen was the right size, my blood pressure was good, the heartbeat sounded just as it should have, and palpation of the baby indicated he was normal size.
My next appointment would have been two weeks later (this week, actually). I shudder to think of how long it might have taken for me to realize, on my own, that there was no more movement.
Also, in Ontario in 2011, midwives are covered by OHIP and have hospital privileges. They, and the doctors and nurses at the hospital, know how to recognize and validate the grief of the parents of a stillborn child. A few decades ago, I don’t think they would have let me hold Sebastian for very long, if at all; one of the books we were kindly given (Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis), begins with a poem written by the mother of a baby who died almost immediately after being born, in 1968. She didn’t get to touch or hold her son – she barely even got to look at him.
I am so grateful that I got to spend time with mine, in the company of my husband, and the nurse and the midwife. Continued…