Little Potty Adventures, a.k.a. Elimination Communication

January 29, 2010

For those of you wondering what we are doing putting our 7-month-old on the potty, allow me to explain.

(I don’t really talk about this a lot with people because they invariably start out thinking it’s freakish: “You’re toilet training already??”  But once you explain, it makes a lot of sense.)

Raise your hand if you’ve ever changed a diaper on a baby boy.  Now keep your hand up if you ever got peed on in the process.  See?  Now put your hands down.  Some of you may have even been peed on by girls, since they do this too, only less fountainously.  Now raise your hand if you prefer to remain not-peed-on.  Yep, that’s what I thought.  (Okay, hands down.)

Most parents learn that this happens, and have strategies to deal with it, such as letting the air hit baby’s bits and then covering them up again, quick as a flash, to absorb/block the pee.  We noticed this too, and in fact were expecting it – but sometimes he was still too fast for us!  Luckily, we knew what to do.  Well, at least where to start.

A good friend of mine had told me about the technique called “E.C.” or “elimination communication” – she’d read a book about it but felt her boy was too late to be starting.  Sean and I got the book, “The Diaper-Free Baby” by Christine Gross-Loh, while we were pregnant.

The idea behind this book, and the EC movement in general, is that babies are born with an awareness of when they’re peeing and pooping (“eliminating”), and that it is instinctive for them not to want to soil themselves.  According to the theory, this is why babies pee when the diaper’s off.  In lots of countries, EC is the norm: diapers are not readily available to everyone, so parents learn to read the signals that their baby needs to eliminate, just like we read signals that their babies are hungry, tired, etc.

In this part of the world, instead of working with this form of communication, we generally train the awareness out of our children by diapering them all the time and expecting them to soil those diapers… and then we train it back in a couple years later.

Some parents are really hard-core with this – their babies spend a lot of time undiapered, they have wool pads in abundance, they know lots of tricks.  When E was newborn, I wanted to try what I’d read about, but felt overwhelmed by the idea of full-on EC.  E was a very frequent eliminator.  Then I was on an EC forum somewhere, and a mom had written that she just gave her daughter a “pottytunity” whenever she changed her diaper.  That seemed do-able.

So we got E a Baby Bjorn Little Potty when he was a few weeks old, and began holding him on it for a short while whenever we changed his diaper.  Within three days, he had his first pee on the potty.  YAYYY!  The next day, we got another one.  This continued and then became more frequent; pretty soon we were getting two or three pees a day in there, sometimes even a poop!  It was very exciting.  Who cared if it was kinda flukey (and flaky)?  There were no more pee fountains, so that had to mean something.

Sometimes he’s peed in big potties too; the first time was at the wedding of some friends of ours when he was not quite six weeks old!  I was changing him in the washroom cubicle with the change table in it, and thought, No little potty, can’t hurt to try to big one…  And he PEED IN THERE.  I was so proud!

1 Little Potty Adventures, a.k.a. Elimination Communication

Bonus: EC is cute. Right??

We’ve continued with EC this whole time.  Some weeks we’ll get off-kilter and will hardly “catch” anything, but some weeks we get something for practically every chance we give him.  Solid food threw everything out of whack for a little while, but now that he’s used to that, and it’s slowed down his system, I swear he is getting it.

In the past ten days, only two poops have ended up in the diaper.  His signals are stronger, and I think he actually waits and holds it for the potty: oftentimes we’ll put him on there and he immediately does his business.  WHAT A SMART BABY.  Just goes to show, most babies are much smarter than we realize, in more ways than we know.

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The GGG Book Club – Complete List

January 28, 2010

The following is the list of books that the book club of the Guelph Gang of Gals has read.  (We aren’t officially called this, in fact we aren’t officially called anything, but this post seemed to call for a grandiose title.)  From the beginning!!  Which is something, because this group has been meeting for… gosh, at least five years now.

I shall include brief reviews thusly organized: GGG’s general opinion, Dilovely’s general opinion, a keyword in case you have no idea what the book’s about, and any other random tidbit I feel like including.  A * indicates it’s become a movie (I may not know all of those!).

Please feel free to add your perspective on any you’ve read!

  1. The Devil Wears Prada* by Lauren Weisberger.  Fashion.  I can’t report on this because it was Before My Time in book club; however I did try to read it later and found the protagonist’s situations too stressful and aggravating to continue.
  2. Tar Baby by Toni Morrison.  This was also BMT.
  3. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.  BMT.
  4. Pilgrim by Timothy Findley.  BMT.
  5. Rare Birds* by Edward Riche.  Restauranteurs.  GGG mixed, Di enjoyed it but did not find it uber-compelling.
  6. Running With Scissors* by Augusten Burroughs.  Psycho people.  GGG and Di agreed it was shocking!!  And fascinating.
  7. The Inventory by Gila Lustiger.  The Holocaust.  GGG didn’t like, too depressing.  Di must admit she did not finish – but that had something to do with depressingness.  Despite being very concerned about the Holocaust.
  8. East of Eden* by John Steinbeck.  People with serious issues.  GGG liked, but not all finished.  Di finished in the nick of time, liked a lot!  Creepy, very interesting.
  9. Eleanor Rigby by Douglas Coupland.  Loneliness.  GGG liked, Di liked.  On the warm side of lukewarm.
  10. Charlotte Grey* by Sebastian Faulks.  War resisters.  GGG not overly thrilled.  Di sorta liked, but disappointed as it was her pick and it didn’t move her nearly as much as her first Faulks experience, Birdsong.
  11. Wicked by Gregory Maguire. The Witch of the West. GGG mixed, Di liked a lot!  Dark, weird, imaginative.  Don’t expect a lighthearted musical.
  12. The Same Sweet Girls by Cassandra King.  Friends grown up.  GGG and Di agree: a great chick-y read!
  13. The End of Food by Thomas F. Pawlick.  Dangers of messing with food supply.  GGG mixed (as with any non-fiction), Di liked.  Food politics: bring it on.
  14. The Princess Bride* by William Goldman.  Romantic adventure.  GGG liked!  Di liked!  How can you not?  BTW, foreword = not true.  It’s a joke, people – don’t go trying to find the original.
  15. Assorted biographies.  Di read Lucky, Alice Sebold’s autobiography.  Very compelling, as every woman who is fortunate enough not to have been raped can’t help but wonder fearfully what it’s like.  “Liked” is not the proper word here.
  16. A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews.  Dysfunctional family.  GGG and Di lukewarm.  I know it’s like seminal Mennonite Canadiana and all… but she didn’t make me care about the characters enough.
  17. The Lovely Bones* by Alice Sebold.  Perspective of a murder victim.  GGG and Di enthralled, in a morbid kind of way.
  18. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.  Stories within stories. GGG daunted by unconventional format and language styles, Di intrigued by same.
  19. The Time Traveller’s Wife* by Audrey Niffenegger.  Heartbreaking romance.  First book the entire GGG raved about!  A huge hit.
  20. At Home in the Muddy Waters by Ezra Bayda.  No idea… self-actualization? GGG very unimpressed, according to reports.  Di was not at this meeting and did not manage to procure the book; apparently that was okay.
  21. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen.  Circus intrigue. GGG mostly enthusiastic, Di loved it!
  22. MiddlesexHermaphroditic soul-searching.  Di missed the meeting, but read the book, found it fascinating.
  23. Eat, Pray, Love* by Elizabeth Gilbert.  International soul-searching.  GGG mixed, Di liked a lot, agreed with some that we liked the book itself better than the protagonist/author.  Some parts very moving.
  24. My Sister’s Keeper* by Jodi Picoult.  Leukemia and generosity.  GGG overall enthusiastic but very divided about the acceptableness of the ending.  Di loved it except for that ending, which she felt copped out.
  25. The Birth House by Ami McKay.  Tough moms and midwives.  GGG and Di liked a lot, makes one so glad to have a baby in this day and age instead of that one!
  26. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry.  Misfortune in India.  GGG and Di liked, found it amazing how quickly it went for such a long book, and how it manages not to be completely depressing despite being one depressing situation after another
  27. Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill.  Twisted childhood. Di has not finished and was not at the meeting – but found the part she has read interesting and poignant.
  28. The Virgin’s Lover by Philippa Gregory.  Elizabeth I’s indiscretions.  GGG liked, Di found interesting but was driven crazy by the writing, ugh.
  29. Twilight* by Stephenie Meyer.  Vampire-human love.  GGG very enthusiastic, Di loved it and read the rest as well and isn’t ashamed to say it.  So ha.
  30. Choice of Harlequin romances of different levels of “spiciness”.  Sex… and sometimes love.  Filled out questionnaire re what page is first kiss, what page does sex begin, what terms are used for the male anatomy… Di’s book was sexy but forgettable.
  31. The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill.  Slave trade.  GGG and Di agree: a very hard but worthwhile book to experience.  Wow.
  32. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.  Women in Afghanistan.  GGG mixed, Di found unrelentingly sad.
  33. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield.  House of mysteries.  GGG and Di liked a lot!
  34. The Life of Pi by Yann Martel.  Stranded at sea.  GGG mixed, Di loved it, nobody sure if they love or hate the ending.
  35. The Rhino with Glue-On Shoes edited by Lucy Spelman and Ted Mashima.  Animal stories by vets.  GGG mixed, Di didn’t finish due to newborn baby (was reading it while waiting for induction gel to take effect) but enjoyed the stories she did read.
  36. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  What’s really important in life. Di missed the meeting, but loved the book.  Great read for a nursing mom because it has all small sections, and mentions babies.
  37. Lamb by Christopher Moore.  Jesus’ youth.  GGG enthusiastic, Di loved it.
  38. The Friday Night Knitting Club* by Kate Jacobs.  Girl bonding.  GGG and Di lukewarm – felt character development was unsuccessful.
  39. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson.  Incarnations of love.  GGG and Di liked a lot, super-interesting, if dark.

And from here on… perhaps I can manage actual reviews for the rest!

40. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows.

41. A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore.

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Getting Out Of The House, or Why I Love My Phone

January 27, 2010

Yesterday I had an appointment with a specialist to see about the weird shape my left middle finger has taken on.  It meant I was out of the house for a couple hours, which is always rather exciting!

  • My iPhone saved my heinie.  My doctor’s administrative assistant had said the specialist was in Kitchener, 135 Union.  I got myself directions on my phone ahead of time, so I wouldn’t get lost.
  • I got there right on time… and it was the house of this poor lady, who must deal with this all the time, who said, “You want Union Street, and this is Union Boulevard.”  It is the same street, but it goes through both of the twin cities, and has a 135 in each direction.
  • Crapcrapcrap!  Thank goodness, with my iPhone, I could not only look up the number for the specialist’s office and call them to say I would be late, but I could also get new directions to get to the Union address I wanted.
  • Kisses for you, iPhone.
  • The specialist was very personable for such a brief visit.  Maybe it was partly his scrub-shirt-with-jeans-and-cowboy-boots combo.  And the moustache without a beard – not many people can make that look good, but he did.
  • Anyway, I have a benign tumor in there that’s not gonna get any smaller.  Thank goodness again: I live in a country where I can opt to have it removed, no bank-breaking necessary, without having to wait until it has grown to the point of making life really difficult.
  • Surgery is scheduled.
  • Then I got to drive through Waterloo, my university stomping grounds.  (Not that I was much of a stomper.)  It was fun.  The little mall we used to shop at has been totally renovated to be metallic and swanky, instead of bricky old style.  The WLU campus has changed and expanded a LOT, freaked me out the last time I visited.
  • But then, many things are the same.  There’s still Ethel’s of the $2 Taco Tuesdays – still a sign out front for those tacos!  Still a German calliope at the bend in King Street, still the Waterloo Dark brewery, still the Huether Hotel.  Waterloo is a cool place.
  • I stopped at the Tim Horton’s that’s right across from where I used to live: you can look down a tiny street to the bottom, through this insurance building (two houses connected by an overpass) that my housemate and I loved because a) its parking lot backed right onto our huge long backyard and b) it’s painted white with bright blue trim, which somehow seemed festive, like a marina.
  • Great times in that house!  (Perhaps I’ll expand on that one day.)  Oh 77 Peppler, I miss you sometimes.
  • But I do love my current little housie.

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BANG Album Review – Vampire Weekend, Contra

January 26, 2010

I really enjoy Vampire Weekend’s eponymous first album; actually, my hubby and the baby do too.

I am partial to African instruments and rhythms, and VW uses both, even though they come from New York.  Their songs (to me) are celebratory, unusual, great to get up and dance to, but also work well as background music while playing Settlers of Catan.

The lead singer, Ezra Koenig, seems to be able to go anywhere with his voice, while at the same time sounding unpretentious and almost down-homey.

They also score high on the McClure Lyric Rating System, devised by a brilliant friend of mine and her brother, wherein you give a point for every word they used that you have rarely heard in a song, and two points for every word that you have never heard in a song, and you take away a point for every time you hear “yeah” or “baby”.

VW has seriously interesting lyrics.  In their first album, they talk about things like mansard roofs and oxford commas, and include such fascinating phrases as “coronation rickshaw grab” (it’s like they know about the McClure system!  Wow!), “a devastating backstroke”, “cut his teeth on turquoise harmonicas”, “spilled kefir on your keffiyah”, and “your collegiate grief has left you dowdy in sweatshirts”.  Great stuff!

The new album, Contra, is similarly endowed with interesting words and phrases, but VW proves they can combine them with simple words to create unique moments.  As in, “When I was 17/I had wrists like steel/and I felt complete// and now my body fades/behind a brass charade/and I’m obsolete.”  Or how about “A t-shirt so lovely it turned all the history books grey.”  Cool shizzle.  I don’t pretend to know what it means, I just dig it.

I do feel kinda ignorant too… I would have to ask The InterWeb to find out what Horchata, hapa club, Tokugawa, and Wolfords are.  But whatever.  I’m on mat leave, I don’t have to be hip.  (And I’m gonna say “shizzle” and I don’t care if I pull it off.)

Both albums cause this reaction in me: “Oh, this song’s my favourite.  No wait.  This song is my favourite, for sure.  Ooh, but this song!…” etc.  Both albums are, as I say, fun to dance to, or Jolly Jumper to, if you prefer.  However, Contra is superior for me for the following reason: unlike the self-titled album, it does not have two songs containing the f-bomb.  Being a teacher and a mom, I never fail to wince at this – even if it’s appropriate in the song.

If I had to pick my favourite songs… well, “Horchata” is a super-catchy.  “White Sky” has great vocal acrobatics interspersed with a tinkly awesomeness that channels Paul Simon.  Same with “Diplomat’s Son”, but with heart-squeezing violins and a reggae groove – shouldn’t work but does!  “Holiday” just makes ya feel happy.  “Run” has exuberant brass.  And the last track, “I Think Ur a Contra” has this incredible sweetness and sadness with the bonging of oldey-timey piano and a wandering melody that makes you, too, have a feeling you could tell each other everything for two months.

And there are only ten tracks on the album.

And the others are good too.

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Survey Question I – Please Weigh In!

January 25, 2010

Talking with my friend recently – this is a friend with a baby son only a month younger than mine – we realized something.  Moms (and, it must be supposed, dads as well) do gross things in the name of parenthood.  We were talking about when babies get congested, which led to the topic of boogers.

She said, “What do you do about those?”

I paused.  What do I say?  The truth, or something else?

She beat me to it: “I usually just pick them for him.”

Me, with relief: “Me too!!”

Then I confessed that I had been considering making up some more civilized response, one which would have been untrue.  Wondering to myself, what do most moms do?  Am I, like, the gross mom, all alone? But hooray!  Now we can be open about this.  We’re all in this together.  I’m sure we’ll have to do lots more things that make you go eewww in the name of parenthood.

My Survey Question is this: what gross things have you done for the sake of the children?

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Top Tens by Dilovely and Son

January 24, 2010

Top Ten Things Dilovely is stoked about this week (in random order):

  1. E in overalls.  I mean, seriously, can he get any cuter?
  2. Guelph’s Rainbow Chorus 15th anniversary concert last night.  Pretty songs, solid harmonies, vibrant colours, happy (gay, lesbian, bi, trans, and friends) people, community spirit out the wazoo.  Plus snacks.  Did you know Guelph is the only non-major-urban-centre in Canada to have a queer choir?  How cool.  I love Guelph.  MOTL (more on that later).
  3. My iPhone. Sean was right when he said, “Honey, don’t worry.  You’re going to love it.”  Only problem is that texting is so easy and fun with the clicky little key-screen that it tempts me to exceed my text message quota…
  4. My gorgeous GelaSkin for my iPhone, featuring art by Brandi Milne.  Mucha meets Manga.
  5. Contra by Vampire Weekend.  It has been in my head non-stop now for a few days, so I’m actually almost ready to hear Barrett’s Privateers again to oust it… but it’s in there because I’ve listened to it a ridonculous number of times.  Also, it’s great for dancing around the living room with E.  MOTL.
  6. E’s poops on the potty!  Woohoo!  He has not had a poopy diaper since at least Wednesday.  Thank you, EC… MOTL.
  7. Blogging in tandem with my sister – who is 35 TODAY and is owning dat sh… stuff!  Happy Birthday Emi!  (And thanks for telling me how I could fix the date on my blog…)
  8. Dreaming about further blogging possibilities with said sister.  MOTL.
  9. French onion soup, homemade this evening by a good friend.  Wow, SO YUMMY.
  10. Snuggle time with my family on mornings we have in common: making silly noises for E and pretending to eat him up, figuring out what’s making him chuckle today, exchanging incredulous grins with Sean over the adorability of this baby we made.

Top Ten Things E is stoked about this week (in random order):

  1. Tags, his greatest love.
  2. Socks, for chewing mostly.
  3. Sweet potatoes, the newest food in his repertoire.
  4. Mama’s glasses, freshly grabbed off Mama’s face.
  5. The self-wobbling, talking, singing, light-up ball – a present from his Aunt Toni – pretty annoying for parents, but fascinating to E.  “Push me!  Roll me!” it begs, and he’s happy to oblige.  Plus, it has tags.
  6. The cats.  He watches them from his booster seat and grins fit to split his little face.  One day, twice in a row, he said “Kee,” while watching Nico, and we held our breath, waiting for it to solidify into his first word… but it hasn’t yet.
  7. Our waitress last night at the Empress of India.  He made eyes at her to such an extent that she took a few quick breaks to hunker down to his level and tell him she was sorry, but she couldn’t run away with him.
  8. Index fingers.  Sometimes he can even connect his with yours, E.T.-like.  Otherwise, he’ll just grab it in two hands and chomp it, which is fun too.
  9. Nosebiting, an enduring favourite.
  10. Snuggle time with his ‘rents, stretching out to touch both of them at once, allowing them to make all kinds of weird sounds to amuse him, warming up his own vocal chords for the day, smiling so cutely that they can hardly stand it.  (At least, I’m going to assume that he is stoked about this.)
 Top Tens by Dilovely and Son

Yes, that's a sock in his mouth.

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Baby Bits VII

January 22, 2010

Bébé E n’aime pas:

the sound of breath whistling through a metal cylinder.  Sean was trying to dry out the column of his fountain pen by blowing through it after washing it today, and E started to cry.  He tried again a bit later, and the sound was so upsetting to E that Daddy had to go into the bedroom and shut the door to do his pen-whistling.  The things that make children afraid or sad are often inexplicable… poor little dickens.

Bébé E aime:

strumming.  He likes to strum, with his fingernails, everything he can reach, especially the canvas upholstery on the couch and the wood of the chair behind him when he’s in his booster seat.  I guess it should have come as no surprise when, this morning after his first liquid feed of the day, he got a grip on my breast with one hand, and strummed my nipple with the other.

P.S. I got a pretty, pretty phone.  With it, I took this picture, tweaked it, and sent it to myself.  Haaa!  Crazy techmology.

 Baby Bits VII

E, ready to go out

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BANG Movie Review – Avatar

January 20, 2010

Spoiler alert – if you are planning to see Avatar and don’t want to know stuff about the movie, stop reading here.  I recommend seeing it on as little information as possible, and forming your own opinions.  If you’re not concerned about sullying your first impressions, please read on.

I didn’t know much about Avatar before I saw it.  I knew James Cameron had spent years innovating new technology and taking CGI to new heights of magnificence; one friend said “the effects were good, but I wish they’d gotten a real writer”; another friend said noncommittally, “Oh yeah, I liked it, it was cool.”  My husband went to see it and said it was “AWESOME!!”, so I went to see it with him.  (It’s much the funnest to see movies with fans.)

Since seeing this film, I have found out that there is a tempest of controversy howling through cyberspace, debating whether or not it is racist.  I was made aware of this by a friend complaining about the movie on Facebook.  Now I’ve read some articles and a lot of affiliated comments, and frankly, I’m unmoved by these arguments.

The main beef that people seem to have with Avatar is that it makes the same mistake as Hollywood’s Pocahontas or Dances With Wolves, where the white man comes in and he’s the one to save all the poor natives.  These people say that the white man should not be the one saving a whole race of differently-coloured (in this case, blue) people – they should be saving themselves.  Also, there’s the fact that the five main blue people were voiced by non-white actors.

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/movies/article/749516–is-avatar-weighed-down-by-white-man-s-burden?bn=1

I did not notice the white-saviour thing.  I was too busy noticing the white-power-hungry-money-grubbing-maniacal-asshole thing (the antagonists).  That, and the fact that the protagonist has his hide saved by a blue woman within his first twelve hours in her territory.  In this film, the blue people are a barely-veiled representation of aboriginal tribes – sort of a blend of American and African, but with Smurfy colouring.  They are clearly the cool ones in this film: graceful, athletic, beautiful, skilled hunters, intelligent, and with a deep understanding of their connection to the Earth.  Furthermore, as one Facebook commenter pointed out, if they’d made the protagonist black, would people have taken it seriously?  I think not – I think people would have found it contrived and complained about that.

Racism is tricky.  As a white person, I am unqualified to talk about it, and have not earned an opinion.  For the most part, I’m fine with that, knowing that I can never fully understand what it’s like for members of visible minorities.  Still, we have it pretty good here in Canada.  Better than in the U.S. or France or pretty much anywhere else… in Canada, or Ontario at least, a community that’s too “white” is considered kinda backwards and somehow lacking.  As a teacher, I can attest that the curriculum is full of ways to bring all students’ cultures and backgrounds to the fore, to be learned about and appreciated.  Isn’t that good?  I’m not saying we should stop working to improve attitudes, but shouldn’t we also be glad at how far we have come?

Two incidents are coming to mind as I think about the reaction to this film.

1) When I was teaching high school, there were several occasions I can recall where certain non-white students, when I would discipline them for talking out or harassing each other or whatever (just as I disciplined the rest of them), would mutter that I was being racist.  The most salient example was a Grade 9 student who was of Vietnamese descent.  At his interim report, about a month into the semester, he had a 56% because he had not handed in one of the three assignments we’d had so far.  I told the students, “If your mark is low, you need to hand in your assignments,” which was nice of me, since I could have just given them zeroes.  He was a very smart boy who would have had an A if he had done this.  Instead, he accused me of racism, became all bitter, was horrible to me for the rest of the semester, and barely passed the course.  How self-defeating.

2) When I was in teachers’ college, I had a classmate who was a smart cookie, outrageously popular by adult standards, of East Indian descent, and drop-dead gorgeous.  (Like, strangers on the street would practically propose to her on a regular basis.)  We were discussing an article by feminist, anti-racist, Bengali-Canadian academic Himani Bannerji, in which she complained about people asking her questions about her background, because she took them to imply that she must not be simply Canadian.  Because she is a visible minority, people presume to ask “what” she is.  My classmate, the more she thought about it, became all incensed: “That’s true!  People ask me all the time where I’m from, but I was born here!  That is racist!”

I’m gonna go ahead and say it: I was annoyed by this.  Let’s not look for reasons to get upset and take things personally, okay?  I in no way want to minimize the suffering people go through for no reason other than colouring, but someone asking you about your background is not racist.  When I ask someone about their background (and this includes white people, since so many immigrants and their families are white), it’s because I’m curious and I want to know more.  I’d like to know what parts of your heritage you value, how your life is different from mine because of it, whether you have travelled to countries where you have roots.

In fact, when I’m discussing multiculturalism with people, I feel bland, since my roots are mostly in the U.S. (no offense to my American relatives! -  you are wonderful people and I love you).  Nobody thinks to ask what holidays I celebrate or what foods I eat.  I think it would be cool to have ties to exotic places.  That’s probably partly why I became fluent in two languages besides English – the desire to be cool.  My best friend growing up (also ridiculously gorgeous, by the way) had a dad from Hong Kong and a mom from Switzerland; she knew words in other languages, and ate special Chinese cookies, and played Swiss card games, and brought back the most amazing chocolate when her family travelled.  I can’t recall her ever talking about experiences of discrimination – and we told each other everything back then.  She’s now a ball-busting urban planner in West Palm Beach.

Okay, time to get back to the point.

Let me tell you how I experienced Avatar.

First, I was impressed by the animation.  It was beautiful.  We watched it in 3D, and I found myself transported.  I loved the creatures that were imagined for the film, the language that was created, the work that obviously went into seamlessly blending photography and CGI.  As Sean pointed out, all those who thought it was nothin’ special have been spoiled by cool stuff, and only prove the effectiveness of Cameron’s work, since they don’t notice the years of effort that went into the creation.  It’s like ballet: if you’re doing it right, it looks easy.

The main thing that caused me to be speechless at the end of the movie, though, was the message.  As critics were quick to point out, the plot is utterly predictable, even banal, with no suspense whatsoever.  I’ll agree, I knew where the story was going, it was not surprising; it’s one that’s been told countless times – but through real people.  I highly doubt it feels trite to be the people whose lands and lives are destroyed.

I have had several conversations in recent months about What Is America? and Lost Continent by Ronald Wright – both my husband and my dad were reading one or both.  These books discuss how white people came to areas like the Americas, and basically effed up every system the aboriginals had going.  We’re not just talking about cutting down forests and swindling natives – we’re talking about unimaginable torture, deliberate spreading of lethal diseases, baby-killing, you name it.  And this is to people who apparently showed remarkable hospitality at the outset, and whose simple but civilized (and when I say civilized, I mean organized, balanced, respectful) society was impressive to the invaders.  But they desecrated them anyway.

I have a hunch that this guy has also been reading Ronald Wright:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2010/jan/11/mawkish-maybe-avatar-profound-important

With these ideas sizzling just under the surface as I watched Avatar, to say I was moved would be an understatement.  Tears streamed down my face for a considerable section of the film – and I’m not a big crier at movies.  I get choked up sometimes, but this was something else entirely.

The creators took me to a beautiful place that evoked (by design, no doubt) the most exquisite places I’ve been on this extraordinary, complex planet we inhabit… told a story that called to mind my experience of the powerful bonds of caring that can exist within a community of people – people who are just as extraordinary and complex as the rest of the Earth we sprang from… and then they ripped it apart before our eyes.

The pain I felt was pain I’ve felt many times before, since an early age, thinking about the horrible things we do to each other and to our home every day.  It was real because the horror is real.  It’s right now.  We don’t learn; we’ve been doing it for millennia.  We feel awful when hurricanes, wildfires, tsunamis, and earthquakes decimate whole cities and ecosystems; how much more appalling is it that humans do these same things on purpose?  It’s the biggest tragedy I can think of.

Other criticisms of Avatar include: it’s unoriginal, it’s stupid, it’s a cliché, it’s boring. Boring? Come on, people.

The words of Louis CK come to mind: “Everything’s amazing, and nobody’s happy.”  If you thought Avatar was boring, you need to stop watching movies.  You’ve lost your sense of wonder, and you don’t deserve to look at art in motion.  Get off the internet, and go grow some food, climb a tree, paint a picture, hike up a mountain, deliver a baby.  Find something that moves you to tears, and do that.

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Baby Bit(e)s (Hard) VI

January 19, 2010

It’s been a trying day.

I realize I have a lovely baby.  He eats well most of the time, does lots of sleeping compared to many babies, smiles a lot, is learning like a li’l turbo-genius, and brings us immeasurable joy.

Also, he bites.  On his mom’s nipples.  This is not so lovely.

I know women who say, “Yeah, I remember when my little so-and-so bit me for the first time… I weaned him/her right then and there!”  This is the kind of declaration at which La Leche League leaders visibly cringe.  Obviously I do not belong to this school of thought, since I have been bitten many times.  On the nipples.  And I haven’t weaned yet.

Today was one of those days when it seemed my “mommy brain” had taken my regular brain and bound and gagged it into submission.  E and I have had a few restless nights in a row, so I’m getting a grumpy buildup in my patience ducts.  For the second time in a week, I forgot to take my carefully prepared baby food with me when we visited friends.  It sat on the counter instead, and for the second time, E had food-from-a-jar, which my poor hubby went out and bought at the last minute.  (Not that this is a huge deal to me – I’m not a hard-core purist – but still, blaarrghh.)  E was too worked up to eat more than a few bites.  I had also forgotten a note with information I needed, which I had conscientiously written myself and I could have sworn put in my pocket…  nope.  Feeling like you’re senile does nothing to lessen grumpy buildup.

So as E’s bedtime approached, I went to nurse him.  We had nursed a little bit at our friends’ house, but he had bitten me on both sides, so he didn’t get much.  This time he got even less before indulging himself in really hard bites that make one afraid to offer one’s breast to one’s baby.  And when I yelp in pain at these moments, he always pops off (thank goodness) but usually also smiles like it’s funny.  It is not funny you darn baby.  Makes him seem like a malicious little demon-child.

Tonight, suddenly I had visions of weaning, or having to pump instead of nurse him – a proposition too time-consuming to fathom at the moment, not to mention exhausting.  For the first time in my overly charmed, naive life as a mother, I fervently wished I could just hand him off to someone and not see him at all for a couple of hours.  (I can hear my dad saying, Me!  Hand him off to me!)

Naturally, it was E’s bedtime after that, and Sean has a very early morning tomorrow, so I did quite the opposite: I changed his diaper, put him in his sleeper, read him stories, swaddled him, sang to him, and put him to bed.  But my patience was… iffy.

He’s still my favourite baby.  Even after going to our friends’ house and visiting with their 5-day-old son, who weighs as much as a lettuce leaf and has silky brown hair and slept like a rag doll basically the whole time we were there, with incredible newborn sweetness… E’s still my favourite.

Maybe I could just knock his teeth out.  He doesn’t really need them, does he?

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Thinking About Haiti

January 16, 2010

I think about you, and I know I cannot fully understand.  I can’t get it.

One minute, you’re a tropical paradise, jewel of the Antilles, the next, you’re a pile of rubble.  You don’t deserve to be this.

What can I do?  I can send dollars, but that won’t bring back the people and places that make up your home.

Will it help you if I feel pain on your behalf?  If I think about you and shed tears, close my eyes, shake my head, dig my nails into my palms?  It’s not zero-sum, pain is infinite, so I know that no matter how much anguish I feel for you, your burden will not lessen.  It is right now, as I write this on January 15th, that the final hopes are fading for finding people alive.  The crucial hours are running out.

I am not watching you.  I did not watch Indonesia as it dealt with being swept away, either.  You don’t need me to see dirt-flecked images of you, broken and bleeding, your insides and outsides all mixed-up and exposed.  Imagining is plenty – more than enough.  I already know I have no problems.  A messy kitchen, not quite enough sleep, looming deadlines, loved ones I worry about… these are the “problems” of someone more blessed than she can even fully grasp.  Things that seem unfair in my world are so inconsequential as to be laughable.

Unfair is going about your life, trying to do right, and then having the world around you crumble to the ground, literally.

I know you feel alone and abandoned.  Your own government has shown you no valour.  Does it help at all, a little maybe, that I’m thinking about you?  Trying to envision Light coming through the cracks and the dust?  Imagining your Mother picking you up in her hands, all of you – the lost, the homeless, the bereaved, the wounded, the trapped, the dying, the dead – and very gently blowing the dust away, using delicate fingers to remove the wreckage, (like pebbles to her,) causing air and sunlight to touch every one of your faces, letting soft tears fall on you to wash away the dirt and blood that choke you, holding you in a healing grasp?

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Baby Bits V

January 14, 2010

Sometimes I have Mommy Flash-Forwards.

Today is the first day I deliberately got stern with E, because we were trying to have lunch and he decided that his newly re-found raspberry-blowing skills would go nicely with eating solids.  Of course, he picked the magenta food to distribute in a fine spray all over his environs.  I assume he wasn’t being purposely aggravating, but he was purposely spraying the food.  So, I got all consequency: making a frowning face and saying “No!” in a disapproving tone when he did this, and then smiling and saying “Yay!” and clapping (he loves clapping sounds) when he ate a bite like a good little boy.

This made me flash forward to contemplate those times when he will have reached an age, like two or eight or twelve or fifteen, when he will want to make Mommy angry on purpose, just to see where his boundaries are.  I will have to be stern with him a lot in the years to come.  I feel confident that I have it in me, based on today’s adventures – because I could frown at him even though he’s the cutest little turkey possible.

And then there are the flash-forwards like the other night, when he was nursing in bed, almost asleep, and he took my thumb and held it in both his perfect, soft, tiny hands.  I had a profound moment of knowing that I must etch this in my memory, because there will come a day when he doesn’t want hugs or kisses from his mom, or doesn’t even see his mom very often.  And I will need to remember this.  In fact, I’ll be calling upon those moments in the stern situations too – because the love doesn’t get bigger than that.

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Baby Bits IV

January 12, 2010

What a day today!  E had:

  • Long, awesome naps (like yesterday’s – exactly coinciding with the increased calories… hmmm).
  • LOTS of rolling – especially after he was supposed to be asleep but was too excited – he would roll to the edge of the couch and his auntie would patiently scootch him back, like a conveyor belt.
  • Plenty of screeching like a baby pterodactyl, his latest fun activity.
  • Brilliant, magenta food!  Wow.  (Butternut squash + beets.)
  • And the best part… sitting!  He went from a second or two this morning to many seconds in a row this afternoon.  He be honin’ dat skill!  And not even making a big deal of it – we’re all exclaiming and he just looks at us like, “Yeah.  I like these socks,” or whatever.

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Baby Barfs – I mean, Baby Bits III

January 11, 2010

Landmark day: E’s first projectile vomiting of solids!  Woo hoo!

He did seem to be eating an awful lot for dinner, but he has been doing so well with this that we didn’t think anything of it.  Mashed peas and potatoes with a bit of canola oil (we realized a couple nights ago that he should be getting more fat in his diet), followed by lots of pureed peaches.  Delicious!  Then a wee top-up of mom juice.  Put baby upright to burp, and what comes out?  Not a burp! Well, I guess there was a sort of hearty bullfrog sound as the deluge arrived – so fresh it still smelled like peaches.  (What an absolutely peachy baby!  How nice of him!)  And, as is his custom, he was completely unperturbed, before, during, and after the incident.  Just watched with interest as we got cleaned up.

I know there are lots of moms out there whose babies vomit copiously all day long – and I do thank Heaven I’m not one of those.  E is not much of a spit-upper at all, and prior to today, had only done projectile mode twice that I can remember, and that was long ago.  So it felt like an adventure.

Also of note was E’s realization (and subsequently ours) that he is able to locomote by rolling.  It was the first time we could see he was doing this deliberately: rolled off his play mat to go lick the table leg, and then when he heard his auntie calling him over on the mat, decided to go back over there, log-style.  Good times!

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Seven Months Old

January 9, 2010

I cannot believe how time is flying!

When I look back at the photos and videos of my baby E from a few short months ago, I am amazed at how much he’s changed.  It is both heartbreaking and exhilarating.

He is so full of life and fun, and I am so blessed to be in his presence every day.  How amazing that such a short time ago, he didn’t exist!  Creation of life is a crazy thing, almost too miraculous for us plebes to be allowed to do it.  (Although I guess we don’t do it alone.)

Anyway, back to this special day!  E is napping right now, but before that, we played on his mat, did peek-a-boo, had another nap, did some exercises together, played with the animals on his new booster-chair-tray insert, and had rice cereal, butternut squash, and peach-apple puree.  He can alllmost sit on his own (he can for a few seconds if he grabs his feet for balance).  He rolls all over the place, both directions.  He likes to flick things with his fingers, with kind of a “wave bye-bye” motion; things he especially likes to flick are mirrors, the blue blown-glass ball in our living room window, the Monet print (Antibes) above the sofa, and the photo in the kitchen of the chimp with his mouth wide open.  He is also in love with tags, and seeks them out (where the rest of us didn’t notice them) and chews on them with determination and ardour.  He still breastfeeds, and most of the time doesn’t bite me.  We feel pretty sure his two bottom teeth are soon to be joined by more, because of the gushing of the drool.  And last night, I brushed those teeth for the first time, with a rubber finger toothbrush and swallowable apple-banana toothpaste (Christmas gifts from my sister and her honey).

Of course, the best things are the smiles and chuckles and looks of pure wonderment, elicited by different things each day.  I hope that these images are engraved in my brain forever, so I can always call them up if I need a reminder of the worthwhile-ness of life.

Sigh.  Lovelovelove.

 Seven Months Old

Daddy with E, three weeks old

 Seven Months Old

Mommy with E, seven months old

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Baby Bits II – A Holiday Flashback

January 8, 2010
 Baby Bits II   A Holiday Flashback

Taken December 4th, 2009 - almost 6 months old

There once was a baby from Guelph

Whose mom dressed him up like an elf

He looked so darn cute

In his Christmasy suit

That he smiled in spite of himself!

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New Year's Resolutions

January 7, 2010

I don’t traditionally do New Year’s Resolutions.

Usually there’s at least one person a year who asks me what mine are, and most of the time I haven’t thought about it.  This is not because I don’t think I have plenty of room to improve myself and my ways of doing things – au contraire.  The fact is, I am constantly resolving.

My daily to-do list is kind of like a bunch of resolutions I’m always hoping to achieve.  It’s always way longer than it should be if I were to be realistic about what I can get done in a day, especially now that I have a baby who takes up the bulk of my time.  Sometimes I look at to-do lists I made weeks or months ago, and see that there are things on them I still haven’t done.  Nevertheless, I patiently transfer them to the next list – except for the rare occasions I decide to let something drop off altogether.

Some items on my list are things I mean to do every day – which is somewhat frustrating because you can’t really cross them off; they’ll just pop up again the next day.  (This undermines the true joy of a list – to cross things off.  So satisfying.)  These are things like get exercise, or perhaps clean the kitchen.  The corresponding resolution would be Get the dishes done every evening, or perhaps Keep a cleaner kitchen.  However, neither of these seems like a good resolution to me: the former is designed to fail the first evening you miss, and the latter is so vague that, well – how do you know if you’ve succeeded?

Some resolutions would be in direct conflict with each other.  For example, something like Limit time spent on email, which I’d love to do, would pretty much thwart Clean out inbox, which would also be a great thing.  (Really, I shouldn’t get started on my love/hate relationship with email.)  What to do?

Of course there’s stuff I have to get done, like pay the bills and make dinner and do the laundry.  If I made all my resolutions like that, I’d bat a hundred percent.  (Does one bat percents?  I have no clue about baseball.)  Still, these things are also perennials, so they don’t feel much like accomplishments.

So, no recurring tasks, not even less frequent ones like organize closet and clean up junk drawer.  They will just haunt me again later (unless they’re something like Give E dozens of kisses every single day – that’s simply inevitable).  Nothing non-baby-related that requires absolute consistency, because that’s just impossible, especially these days.  Nothing too unspecific that includes “less” or “more” or “as much as possible” – I need to be precise so I know when I’m done.

A perfect resolution would be something like Finish my symphony, of which at this point I have one movement basically done, and part of two others.  I can envision being finished.  The problem with this resolution is, life gets in the way.  I don’t know for sure if I will get to my symphony, passionate though I am about it, because frankly, it falls to the bottom of the list every time.  Before I had a baby, I could bump it up sometimes, but now I have to be very selective about what I do on the occasions when I have time “to myself” – and even then I always get interrupted.  It’s just not conducive to producing brilliant or even mediocre orchestral music.

I guess I’ll just give it some more thought.  Let’s just say I have goals, renewable at any time, that involve being healthy, saving money, getting organized, doing lots of writing… and maybe one day, finishing a to-do list.

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Baby Bits I

January 6, 2010

E has a newish habit of biting noses.  You think you’re just playing with him, bouncing him on your lap or whatever, and suddenly he’s coming at you with mouth wide open, and before you know it your nose is covered in baby goober.

I find it hilarious, love watching him become one-eyed monster baby, so I let him do it.

Thus, today when he burped directly into my nostrils, you could say I was asking for it… and you’d be right.

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A Few Holiday Highlights

January 5, 2010

I know it’s super-late for this, but too bad.  It’s my blog and I didn’t get time in December… and technically, the twelve days of Christmas don’t end until January 6th.  Here we go.

I love the Christmas season.

When I was little, I of course got deliriously excited about Santa Claus and presents.  And I loved carolling and doing the Christmas pageant at Meeting.  And my advent calendar of tiny pictures of the Elves’ village.

Nowadays, it’s different.  Don’t get me wrong, I still like getting presents, but that’s not what excites me about Christmas.  The things that make me happiest now are: Family/Friends, Food, and Festive Music.

This year was special for two reasons: my brother and his family came from New Brunswick to spend Christmas in Ontario, which hasn’t happened in many years; and it was E’s first Christmas.  My first as a mother, Sean’s first as a father, my parents’ first as grandparents… you get the idea.

I’m not going to try to catalogue all the cool moments, because I know there are too many, but here are some highlights:

  • Seeing my brother and his baby nephew enjoy each other – smiles that melt your heart
  • Sampling amazing food, including, but not limited to, spiced nuts (from With the Grain, Guelph), black bean dip, lentil cheese pie, egg nog cheesecake, green bean casserole, a once-in-a-lifetime variation of zabaglione, and simply the best bread pudding ever ever made.  (I don’t even like bread pudding most of the time.)
  • Sixteen lovely people at my parents’ house for Christmas Eve
  • Hearing news that my sister-in-law is engaged
  • Big, fragrant fireplace fires (many constructed by my nephew)
  • Seven people packed into the van on the way to the movies – and singing en route
  • Playing Dance Dance Revolution for the first time with my niece
  • Witnessing the growing obsession with Bucky Balls (you try playing with 216 tiny spherical rare earth magnets for half an hour and see if you feel like letting the next person try them)
  • Weird and wonderful tasks (especially “senso-sketch”) in games of Cranium WOW
  • Apples to Apples with nine people aged 15 to 66
  • My son, charming the socks off absolutely everyone in three clans
  • My families, playing with E and entertaining him and teaching him things and cuddling him – especially his great-grandmas (he spent time with two of them this Christmas)
  • Being told by a family friend, while breastfeeding E in a quiet spot at a Christmas day shindig, “You two are my most beautiful Christmas vision.”

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Happy New Year!

January 2, 2010

2010 is going to be great.  You know how I know?  Waking up (not the first time, or any middle times, but the last time) to tiny fingers sorta tickling my shoulder… rolling my head around and opening my eyes to see E’s upside-down smile, and his gorgeous eyes looking into mine.  It’s just perfect.

Also, going to dinner last night with my hubby and baby and feeling absolutely affirmed in my family.  Our bellies were full (this helps a lot with positive outlook), and I was feeding E at my breast.  I didn’t have a privacy shawl or anything, but it was discreet anyway – we were in a booth, and no-one looking at us would have seen anything unless they were watching very carefully every second.  Still, I know I breastfeed much more publicly than many women.  (And not as publicly as many others.)

We were talking about that a little bit, and I said to Sean (yep! that’s his name), “So you don’t feel uncomfortable at all with me doing this here in the middle of Boston Pizza?”

He looked at me as if I were dumb, and said, “Of course not.  Not even a little.”  I knew from his face that he wasn’t fudging his answer, and I was so proud of him.  I couldn’t stop the grin spreading across my face as I spoke my first thought: “And that’s why I married you!”  That, among countless other reasons, of course.

Love is awesome.  And this holiday season had lots of love throughout, so there you go.  How auspicious!

Coming soon: verbal snapshots of Christmas 2009, Dilovely’s New Year’s Resolutiony Things, and much more.

(Sneak peek: First resolution is! not to neglect my blog, but not to neglect other writing either.  So I’m thinking of blogging three times a week or so, and other days working on other literary pursuits.  Though you never know… I may just blog the odd thought or two on in-between days…)

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