Solid Sunday

November 30, 2009

We did it!

A special trip out was made from my parents’ house, specifically to purchase baby rice cereal.  (Apparently Heinz has bought the Pablum name, because this box of deliciousness affiliated itself with both.)  I know I said avocado, but I guess I’m just more comfortable with tradition – almost everyone says to start with the rice cereal, so who am I to argue?  And my parents’ house was the venue, because apparently Grandpa was really hoping to see the faces E would make.  (And nobody else would mind seeing them either.)

Of course I had a pang, feeding him his first bites of “food” food.  I always have pangs.  It’s like when we had to put him in his car seat to take him home from the hospital – in all of his 39 or so hours of life up to then, it was the first time we had to fasten him into something instead of holding him.  The black buckles and straps seemed so big and harsh against his tiny baby self.  I also had a pang giving him a pacifier for the first time, when he was about four weeks old – giving him a plastic nipple when he’d only ever had mine, the real thing.  Also when he ate breast milk from the bottle with Daddy for the first time – it was both wonderful and heart-tugging when he eventually accepted it.  (I felt a surge of possessive satisfaction when he still preferred my breast after the bottle.)

We have good reasons for doing all these things… it’s just that parenthood is full of happy little sorrows.  We sigh that he’s growing so fast, wishing we could hold onto that tiny newborn – but then, imagine how very sad it would be if he somehow didn’t grow!  I guess love that’s seated so deep and blooms so beautifully can’t help but pain us sometimes.

Anyway, back to the eating solids….  E sat on Daddy’s lap, a cloth napkin arranged over his front, and I did the honours.  As it turns out, he just rolled with it.  Didn’t seem confused or surprised, nor particularly thrilled; just took the whole episode in stride.  He did want to grab the cut-glass bowl or the spoon (a tiny silver one my mom used as a baby) – they’re shiny.  I know we got some cereal into his mouth, and a couple times he actually seemed to understand what we were doing and take a bite.  Flashbulbs were popping.  (Scratch that – we don’t have actual flashbulbs anymore.  You know what I mean.)  And then he seemed to get tired of the process, so we didn’t push it.

We’ll try again tomorrow!  I’m so proud of my little boy.

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Good Books

November 29, 2009

Praise for several books read by the Guelph Gang Book Club, from Dilovely, WordPress:

(… and I’m gonna go ahead and use silly words like compelling and utterly luminous if I want, just know that if I say them, I mean them…)

The Time-Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger: “Romantic, heart-breaking, and great exercise for the brain.”

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen: “Vivid, exciting, makes you want to get to know some big animals.”

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: “Moving, spiritually challenging, makes you want to go there.  Especially Italy.”

My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult: “Beautiful, tragic, controversial – makes for interesting conversation.”

The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill: “Brutal, but somehow hopeful, puts life in perspective.  Hill uses the feminine voice with amazing believability.”

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield: “Mystical, atmospheric, haunting – and you just have to keep reading.”

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell: “A startlingly unique reading experience, intriguing and thought-provoking.”

The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson: (Dilovely is only halfway through but she can already say it’s) “Graphic, compelling, meticulously researched and worded – the author writes with obvious relish.”

And these are just a few of the many tomes we’ve read as a group…  We’ve also done Rare Birds, Charlotte Grey, Twilight, The End of Food, A Thousand Splendid Suns, A Fine Balance, The Life of Pi, East of Eden, Running With Scissors, ummmm… and I know there are more.  Add your own!

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The Solids Odyssey

November 28, 2009

He must be ready – all the signs are there.

He watches the journey from fork/bowl/fingers/spoon to mouth, he reaches for it and grabs if he can.  Everything he grabs, he directs straight for his mouth.  He is even distracted from breastfeeding by this.  The other day he suddenly stuck his hand right in my bowl of curried rice and grabbed a handful.  And he has two teeth, for crying out loud (which I do sometimes, when he accidentally uses them on my nipple).

It’s time for solids.  Or whatever you want to call mashed-up, watered-down big-person food.  Yay!  Yay?

I have mixed feelings.

a) I can’t believe how fast time is flying and how he’s already almost six months old.  Soon he’ll be riding a bike and dating girls and… let’s not go there.

b) Goodbye, relatively sweet-smelling breast-fed poop.  I know once you add “real” food to the mix, things get much stinkier.  And stickier.

c) I look forward to seeing the faces he’s going to make!  So many tastes and colours to explore… it’s gonna be interesting for everyone involved.

c.2) I think he’s going to get a kick out of the process.  Even if he doesn’t like many things at first, he is so interested in food right now.  I was eating bright-coloured raw vegetables tonight, at a party (for him) while I was holding him, and felt bad, like I was leaving him out of the fun, because he seemed so fascinated by the food but wasn’t getting any.

d) I want to be sure he’s getting what he needs.  I know breast milk is a wonder-food, but other foods are wonderful too.  I’m sure his growing self will make excellent use of nutrients in new forms.

e) This does seem like something I will need to be organized about.  Keep track of what foods I’ve made, when I made them, when he tries them, whether he likes them, how many times he tries them, what order he tries them…

f) There is also much conflicting advice on this.  Start with veggies or rice cereal?  Fruit because they’ll like it or NOT fruit because they won’t like anything else?  Each food one at a time, for days at a time, to watch for allergies?  Or, as I recently read, change up, try all kinds of things in succession, thus developing a wider range of foods he’ll like?  (So he won’t be horribly picky, like I was as a kid…)

g) It will be nice for the onus to be lighter.  Don’t get me wrong: I love breastfeeding.  I love the connection and being needed.  I love the time we spend canoodling when he gets distracted while feeding.  I even love him grabbing my sweater and stretching my necklines all to hell.  BUT, it will be nice for there to be other options, and more chances for others to be in on the process.  From here on in, my role is less essential.  Smile, sniff.

I’m thinking… avocado.  Mmmmm!

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Friends Are Nice

November 27, 2009
  1. The Grand Opening Pampered Chef cooking show was a success!  That is to say, people came, we chatted, we made food, we used fun tools, guests bought products, and the Three-Cheese Garden Pizza was delicious.  Thanks everyone, for attending, and for your kind wishes!
  2. Being a consultant is going to involve a significant learning curve, because of little details.  Things I want to remember to mention, things I want to be prepared for.  Not unlike teaching in many ways, actually.  Except that if I had, say, my Grade Sixes make pizza… well, let’s just say I wouldn’t.
  3. It felt weird to sell things to friends and family, as I knew it would.  Even though I know they’re going to love the items they’ve chosen… I still know they’re doing it partly for my sake, and I don’t want to take advantage of them.  But I’m not, they don’t feel I am, not at all.  So it’s weird.  It will be much less weird to sell things to strangers.
  4. That being said, it was really nice having my friends and family there for that first experience as a consultant.  They were great sports about it, and participated willingly in the grating/chopping/rolling out/garlic pressing/sprinkling etc., as well as in discussion of our favourite items.  They are nice.  And lovely.
  5. E was also a hit at the party, as usual, and not just with his two Grandmas in attendance.  I enjoyed being in another room processing orders, listening to people make weird noises for him and thinking of how babies sure change the timbre of an otherwise grown-up party.
  6. Speaking of E, it should not go without mention that he rolled over the other day!  I believe it was Monday.  And it was sad and sheepish for me, because I was checking my email when it happened.  I put him on his play mat on his back, and he was happily munching on his jingly/crunchy stuffed cube.  Next thing, I look over and he’s very quietly, calmly lying on his stomach.  !@*#!  Of course I got all excited, came and played with him to see if he’d do it again – and he hasn’t done it since.  But I called Daddy at work to tell him anyway.
  7. Speaking of Daddy, it should not go without mention that the very same day also occurred another first: as he sat on his father’s knee, swinging his little legs, observing the goings-on, E inadvertently kicked his own dad in the nuts for the very first time.  And was, thanks to my husband’s grace in suffering, contentedly oblivious to the pain he’d caused.  Coupla cuties.
  8. Final note: my nutmeg hair is considerably darker than an actual nutmeg, but very similar to the colour on the dye box.  I like it.  Many others say they do too.  I felt particularly exotic during the belly dance show because I’d drawn myself eyebrows to match.  icon smile Friends Are Nice

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One Day Left

November 25, 2009

Tomorrow is my first official party as a Consultant!  So I am a little busy and disorganized.  I SHALL BLOG ON THURSDAY, the fates decree it.

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Categories: Zesty Kitchen.

Mish Mash Belly Bash

November 22, 2009

The show was a great success!  We danced our hearts out, any costume malfunctions were minimal, everyone got to their places on time, and we all had fun.  And the drum choreography was a total hit.

Plus, E was an absolute angel.  I mean, he’s always an angel, but this was even when faced with lots of new people, longer awake times than are advisable, and a crazy amount of colour and bling to stimulate him.  Thanks to my good friend for wearing him for the whole first half of the show, and to my fellow drum girls for entertaining him during the second half.  And thanks to him for being up on stage with me and all the dancers, and causing huge smiles everywhere he looked.

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Hectic

November 21, 2009

2 days I’ve missed blogging (but I shall atone!!  by doing extras… in a few days)

1 day until the belly dance show

3 numbers I’m performing in

3 costumes I’m pulling together

6 (or so) hours of group rehearsal this week

28 colour number of “nutmeg”, on a box containing…

3 bottles/steps my sister used to dye my hair yesterday – woohoo!

2 Pampered Chef parties I’m hosting next week

75 people I’ve invited to both

7 nights in a row E has decided to poop in the middle of

1,000,000 kisses I give him in spite of this little inconvenient habit

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A Letter to Galen Weston, Jr.

November 18, 2009

Dear Mr. Weston,

I am writing to you to let you know how much I appreciate your company.  Perhaps you get lots of letters like this; it wouldn’t surprise me, since in your commercials you seem like a very nice, approachable guy, someone who might even read letters from random people.  (Good job on those ads, by the way – my husband and I agree they hit the mark.)

I feel a certain attachment and affection for the Loblaw company.  Our local Zehrs was a great place to shop when I was a child; you could always smell delicious baking when you walked in (which counts for a lot to a little kid).  Later, I was one of the four original Garfield Weston Scholars at Wilfrid Laurier University in 1997, and thus directly benefited from the generosity of the W. Garfield Weston Foundation.

At that time, my fellow scholars and I were invited to a luncheon with members of the Foundation, many of whom are, I guess, members of your family.  I remember being struck by what a genuine, down-to-earth group of people they seemed to be.  I had interesting conversations with several people that day; I recall one about the Yellowstone to Yukon corridor that the Foundation was involved in, and another, with your dad actually, about the workings of the produce department (specifically with regard to clementines).  It makes me happy to see on the website that the Foundation is still doing good works all over Canada.

Being part of that group of Scholars was an amazing, life-changing experience, not to mention a financial boon.  Since then, when I shop at my local Zehrs or Loblaws, I enjoy thinking that I’m patronizing a company that is… well, good.  One hears such bad things about big businesses all over the world; it’s nice to feel that I can trust at least one, and one that’s such a big part of my life.

These days, I am on maternity leave from my job as a French teacher, caring for my five-month-old son.  I was inspired to write this letter by a discovery I made a couple months ago.  I already tend to agree with the President’s Choice slogan “Worth switching supermarkets for”:  I know that President’s Choice can be trusted to put forth products that are high-quality.  I appreciate the initiatives of your Green, Organics, and Blue Menu lines; as an environmentalist, I’m glad you’re discouraging plastic bag use; as a vegetarian, I’m thrilled that you make yummy meatless products; as a frugal shopper, I love my PC MasterCard; I am undyingly loyal to your classic egg nog; and may I just say, in case you don’t already know, that your Peanut Butter Treats ice cream is the answer to the prayers of thousands.

To cap it all off, since I became a mom, I found the product that clinched PC’s place in my heart: nursing pads.  PC nursing pads are ideal – thin but highly absorbent, breathable but leak-resistant.  Much better and less expensive than the ones I originally bought from the nursing bra company (and you’d think they would know best).  I’ve been telling all my breast-feeding friends about them, and they react as I did: “Is there anything PC doesn’t make??”  And while I’m at it, I should mention that my son decisively prefers Teddy’s Choice Vitamin D drops to the more expensive “leading” brand.

I admit that I’m not a big fan of the Superstore format.  I do not espouse the idea that bigger is always better; but as long as my local PC store is a reasonable size, I will shop there.

My point, then, is to say thanks to you and your family who have made the Loblaw Company what it is.  I sure hope that my loyalty and trust are well-founded and will continue to be, because it really is nice to feel good about where I shop.

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What would you do?

November 17, 2009

Here’s my real post for today.

This evening I walked out onto the street after dance practice and headed for the parking lot.  This meant walking through a crowd of people outside the church, which I think has a drop-in centre associated with it.

The crowd had been there, just hanging out, when I’d arrived, but right now they were arranged in a focused bubble with two guys at one side, fighting.  Well, strictly speaking, one of them was definitely winning, pummelling the other one.

When I see people in a fist fight, and it’s not often, it makes me feel panicky inside.  I never play-wrestled as a kid, nestled as I was between two sisters, all three of us girly-girls.  It’s no surprise I’ve never been in a physical fight.  But when I see one, I feel like a heel, because I want to do something about it and yet I can’t.

The people forming this bubble were numerous, and every single one was standing there motionless.  I’m pretty darn sure they weren’t all strangers to each other, but no-one was doing anything but watching.  Actually that’s not true; there was one guy who was using a loud voice to tell the guys to lay off, which was something… but apparently not very convincing to the parties involved.

Maybe this was a fight that was a long time coming, and maybe there were compelling reasons behind it.  Still, as a non-violent person and a teacher, I have very strong instincts saying this should not be happening, especially not out on the street.  People are great at ignoring things that make them uncomfortable, never stepping into clearly abusive situations because, well, it’s just not our business.

But that’s scary.  How much violence might we witness and ignore with that excuse?  Permanent damage could be done right in front of our eyes and we would just hurry on our way.

We teach our students that if you stand by and watch bullying occur and do nothing, you’re part of the problem.  We tell them to report to someone they trust.

In these few seconds that I was a participant in the situation, I wondered what to do.  Obviously I’m not going to step in physically – that would be stupid.  I don’t know either of these guys and they’re not listening even if I could think of something to say.  Here’s what I did instead: I walked right through the middle of the bubble, and with a purposeful frown, conspicuously flipped open my phone.  By the time I reach the opposite edge and looked back, the fight had stopped.  (I didn’t actually phone anyone – what would I have said?)

I don’t know if my actions had anything to do with that – my guess is probably not.  But I wanted to show anyone who happened to notice that this situation was not invisible to the public.  Just in case that made a difference to a guy who was pounding another guy’s face.

What would you have done?  Seriously, I’d be very interested to know.

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Well, shoot.

November 17, 2009

Now I’m all grumpy.

I just logged in to find that the post I spent a long time writing yesterday I somehow neglected to publish… and then when I went to get it, less than half of it was there.  Now I don’t feel like writing the rest of it again – that post has passed.  So let it be known that I DID blog yesterday.  It was all about the late, great Tracy Hogg, aka the Baby Whisperer, and how I love her book and how she has basically all the answers and a great style that’s no-nonsense but full of love for babies.  Even if it’s not all the rage with hard-core attachment parents.  And how I’m especially grateful to her right now because while the world has many different “cry it out” methods and many parents who feel obliged to use them, Tracy offers a different approach that would never have moms, with their biological imperative to comfort their crying offspring, leave their babies alone to cry, even for short periods.  Whew.  Because I hope never to have to do that.

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words for my guys

November 15, 2009

dearest baby mine

my mama heart is captured

by your tiny teeth

***

wonderful husband

as father you shine double

in your son-mirror

***

together mornings

wake with sunshine in our eyes

Snuggles family.

***

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My **New Adventure**

November 14, 2009

Sooo… guess what.

I have made a leap into something that makes me a wee bit nervous.  (Though, come to think of it, not even close to as nervous as I got becoming a teacher or bringing a baby into the world.)

I have decided to join the ranks of the Pampered Chef Consultants!  My Consultant Kit has arrived, filled with wicked-cool gadgets.

I’ve decided to blog about this, not so much to publicize my business venture, but to explain, since a lot of people who know me will think it’s a strange thing for me to do.  And I sort of agree, but I’m gonna give it a whirl anyway.

Main reason it’s un-dilovely-ish: I’m not a seller.  When I’ve had to sell things for school fundraisers (cheese, travel toothbrushes, Easter-themed porcelain bells – insert eye-roll), I always hated asking people to buy things from me.  Even in charity canvassing, requesting that people part with their hard-earned money is an uncomfortable activity.  And I’m not good at talking the talk, being smooth.  All that sales-y stuff.

Also it might seem incongruous because my goals are normally so lofty (insert fake pretentious hand flutter).  I aspire to perform, compose, write great things, have stimulating conversations in different languages, and of course teach, in what is considered a respectable profession (by many… some think it’s not, but that’s another post)… molding young minds and giving life tools to the leaders of tomorrow, yada yada.  All these things have a certain slightly dorky, intellectual quality.

This is not to say that sales isn’t a respectable job; it is.  Many of my favourite people are in sales-related jobs, and work hard and use important skills.  (And in fact, bit o’ trivia: many Quakers went into such business back in the day because they weren’t allowed to join professions – and they did well because they were trustworthy.  And apparently good at chocolate – Cadbury, Fry, Rowntree.)  I just know that compared to the other things I do or think about doing, it seems un-cerebral.  Well… who cares?  Is wiping poop off cute little buttocks cerebral?  Because I do an awful lot of that.  There’s honour in it.

So what inspired me to do this?  Well, it wasn’t exactly inspiration… my consultant called me.  She is a really nice lady and she knows what she’s doing.  She got into Pampered Chef after she became a mom too: having a way to earn money on a pick-your-own schedule is pretty tempting, especially when you’re on EI for maternity leave.  She sensed I was the type who would be un-thrilled about going back to work full-time when my mat leave is up – and she was right.  If this could make it feasible to be part-time instead, it would be a huge relief.

And I’ll say something else about my reasons: I actually looove Pampered Chef products.  I owned many before getting my kit, and they are brilliant and lovely, and even my husband is excited by some of them.  Like the micro-scraper and the ice cream scoop and the collapsible bowl and the stove-top griddle.  They absolutely sell themselves.

Furthermore, since I’ve been a mom, I don’t know if it’s the maternal/nurturing hormones kicking in, or the fact that I’m not drained by being with lots and lots of kids all day… but I have a renewed interest in cooking.  I mean, I’ve always been a foodie and loved to cook, but when energy and time are running low, some enjoyment goes out of the process.

So basically, the idea of having social time – with adults! – involving food cooked with aforementioned wicked-cool gadgets that I get to keep, and possibly making money on top of that… honestly, what’s not to love?  I’m looking forward to it.

And if I decide after a few shows that I don’t like it after all… I still get to keep the stuff. icon smile My **New Adventure**

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Categories: Dreambition, Zesty Kitchen.

Time for Early to Bed

November 13, 2009
  • Another tough day.
  • When I say “another tough day”, I’m aware that a tough day as E’s mama is actually a walk in the park and I have no call whatsoever to complain
  • Still, I’m tired and have a sore throat
  • I just want to do right by my little boy but I know he didn’t get enough naps today
  • Even when he’s tired he’s a sweetheart
  • I got very little done today other than working on those naps
  • The greatest: my hubby eliciting belly laughs from E, in spite of everything
  • Almost as great: E’s big grins whenever he watches someone brush their teeth
  • Very busy week ahead, will I manage it all?
  • Time for bed for all!
  • That means my new adventure will have to wait for tomorrow’s post icon wink Time for Early to Bed

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Categories: Bébépourri.

Remembrance

November 12, 2009

Just to reiterate… it’s November 11th.  And interestingly, it’s 11 pm as I begin this post.  (Definitely not the “last post” though – haha.  Sorry.  Not a joke.)

Oops, I didn’t mean to start off all irreverent, especially since this post is about Remembrance Day and how I take it very seriously.  I really do.  As a teacher, I make sure the kids have their poppies on before the assembly, and we talk about why we’re observing this day, and how important it is not to talk during the silence.  (If they forget and disrespect… they get a piece of my mind afterward.)

I remember discovering, in a conversation with a French acquaintance during my year in France, that November 11th is quite a joyous day.  Most of Europe celebrates finally being free – of course it’s joyous.  I remember explaining to this woman that in Canada (although I know Canadians must have whooped in exaltation upon realizing the Great War was over), it’s a day when we remember those who have died in war – thousands upon thousands dead, many different conflicts, and almost none of them were “ours”.

Shortly after that, I visited Vimy Ridge for the first time.  The agent at the train station, unaccustomed to printing tickets for Vimy, checked to make sure I hadn’t mistaken my destination.  “Are you sure?  You know there’s nothing in Vimy.”  Pause.  “Unless you’re Canadian.”  Bingo, monsieur.

That visit was one of the most powerfully moving experiences of my life.  Standing on that little piece of land that actually belongs to Canada, it felt so real.  I felt the weight of it.  The horror that is now cloaked in beauty after all these decades.

I could go on and on about Vimy Ridge, but that’s another post.  Suffice it to say I have profound respect for the sacrifices made during war.

I’m also a Quaker, a pacifist.  I know there are reasons why wars break out, and reasons why factions decide to resist government bodies, etc.  Lots of these reasons are extremely well-intentioned.  (I guess a reason can’t have intentions, but oh well.  It’s late.)  But ultimately, Quakers recognize that wars cause countless people to die in awful ways, and innumerable precious things to be completely destroyed.  War, overall, does not respect life or land or beauty or historical artifacts – it can’t afford to.  To me, this isn’t okay.

In the 1930s, there was a Women’s Guild in Britain who started wearing and distributing white poppies, similar to the red ones the Legion had begun distributing after WWI.  Most of these women had lost men they loved, and did not want to see history, with all its attending pain, repeat itself.  The white poppies were a symbol of peace, of hope that humanity could find better ways to deal with problems.  People would wear one along with their red poppy, to honour the people who made sacrifices, and as I see it, further honour them by not wishing that fate upon others.

I recently read an article quoting a man in a position of authority in the Legion here in Canada, getting up in arms (sorry, it just seems the best phrase to use) about the white poppies.  He said they disrespect the symbol of the red poppy, they besmirch (I’m paraphrasing) the intended purpose of the day, and most preposterously, they encroach upon the Legion’s trademark.  Seriously.  That’s just petty and bitter.

There are lots of people who come back from armed conflicts completely traumatized.  They come back full of conviction that war is bad.  They come back and can’t enjoy normal lives.  They come back disfigured.  They come back in a coffin.  And we’re not supposed to wish for an alternative??

A couple years ago, one of my Grade 4 students came to class one day and proudly showed me the yellow ribbon pinned to her shirt.  “It means ‘support our troops’,” she said, with an air of grown-up-ness.

“Hmm,” I said, “Does that mean support them to fight, or support them to come home?”

“Ummm,” she said, brow furrowing, “I don’t know.  I’ll have to ask my mom.”

You can see why I am uncomfortable with the phrase “Support Our Troops”.  I would like a phrase that conveys “I appreciate that our troops train hard and go to places of conflict and experience really scary things that I would never want to go through, and that most of them want to defend people in need; I understand that there are things very wrong in the world that need to be changed; I don’t want people, including soldiers, to die or suffer needlessly; I know that soldiers, while brave, are not higher beings, but are humans like the rest of us, who make mistakes – sometimes with their weapons; and I know that although we say our troops protect us and keep us safe, it is important not to make new enemies for ourselves through armed conflict, because that would achieve the opposite.”

I don’t think Support Our Troops covers it.  Any suggestions?

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Undulating Perspective

November 11, 2009

Funny how quickly an outlook can change.

As with most people, I imagine, depending on how much sleep I’ve had, how much exercise I’ve gotten, my blood sugar level, how many hugs I’ve recently received, how long I’ve listened to crying that day, the stress levels of my loved ones, etc. etc., my perspective on life sways wildly on the spectrum of optimism.

During the course of today, for example, I have felt like all my dreams are achievable, my Little List o’ Goals will be accomplished, I can make great things happen.  I’ll be in great shape and eat all the right foods and my house will be gorgeously neat and cozy and tasteful.  I’ll take on new endeavors while maintaining my favourite hobbies and passions.  My son is perfect and my husband can do no wrong.  Situation like mine, how could I possibly feel anything but contentment and joy?

During the course of today, I have also felt like life is completely overwhelming.  Why am I even thinking about my list of goals when I have such a long To Do list of banalities?  My son and husband are great, but I just know we’re doing so many things wrong as parents and it’s only a matter of time before they catch up with us.  The world is going to hell in a handbasket, and all the work we can possibly do will not stop it.  And I will never get the kitchen truly clean again.

I have always had these variations in my outlook.  (Mostly they’re not as intense as they seem when blogged out like this… yikes.)  I feel fortunate to know myself well enough – and this is almost certainly thanks in a large part to my journal-keeping – to recognize why I get to feeling cynical and party-pooperish.  I can look at how things are going and say, “Wow, I really need to eat something and I’ll feel better.”  Or, “Time to get out of the house, silly.”  Or I can go ask my hubby, who gives the best hugs in the world, for a dose of healing.  I know when I’m feeling crappy, it will pass.

There’s depression in my family.  I know I could be susceptible.  There’s lots of pain in the world and I’m not oblivious nor impervious to it.

I also know I’m an optimist at heart.  More importantly, I am a lucky, lucky girl.  I have a wonderful life and I am deeply grateful for it.

I’ve debated with myself in the past about happiness.  What right do I have being happy when there is so much suffering and misery in the world? vs. What right do I have being upset when I’ve got it so good?

I’ve come to a conclusion about this by figuring out what I would say in the event someone I loved asked me that question.  I would advise my friend: Feel what you feel.  Life is amazing, and life is hard.  Feel great on your great days, and if you’re having a bad day, it’s your right to be blue.  No reason to add guilt to that.

Of course, I try to be realistic.  I don’t live in a vacuum and I can’t be in a constant state of intense gratitude while attending to the business of life.  Similarly, no-one likes a chronic complainer, and I’m determined not to be someone who finds fault with things for no good reason or over-dramatizes when things get rough.

I guess my li’l conclusion for today must be: We’re human, we’re built to feel the full undulations of the spectrum.

And seriously, wouldn’t we we be bored if we didn’t?

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Categories: Foughts and Theelings, Ideosophy.

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Whew!

November 10, 2009

Bit of a tough day today.

I guess no first-time parents get everything right.  We love our children to pieces and want them to be happy, so I believe almost everything we do with them is well-intentioned.  But then, sometimes what the Baby Whisperer would call “Accidental Parenting” comes into play.

E is five months old, and he has always been a good napper and a pretty good night sleeper too.  But we have always helped him with it quite a bit… and now I’m afraid he’s not much of a self-soother.  So we have to help him learn about that.

This will probably come up lots of times in this blog, because parenting issues are such rich food for thought.  Techniques for proper baby sleep: is there anything more varied and debated?  There’s so much conflicting advice and it’s so hard to know what to do.  And it’s such an important thing – there’s no getting off the hook.

Therefore, no well-thought-out blog post for today… just a sigh before we go to bed (to harmonize with the experimental squeals from E), because when a certain amount of mingled baby tears and drool have dried on the shoulder of your shirt, nuance goes out the window.  The love takes over.

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Actually, it's November 8th. Today.

November 9, 2009

I don’t know why, but my blog records all my posts as a day later than they actually are.  Like somehow I can see into the future?  Write the future?  (“It’s like I have ESPN or something!”)

So today is November 8th, and my little baby (“E”) is five months old.  Already!  And he truly is the best, most cutest, awesomest baby ever, anywhere.  Everyone who meets him falls under his spell.

Today’s Best Moments:

  1. Waking up with happy baby, looking into his gorgeous baby blues.
  2. Drum trio choreography for the show (in less than two weeks) finally coming together!  It’s going to rock.
  3. Diving into a loaf of fresh chunky cheese bread.
  4. E’s cuteness in new blue argyle BabyLegs.
  5. E’s uber-cuteness in Jolly Jumper.
  6. Chats with good friends who love my son almost as much as I do.  And take pictures.
  7. Super-steerable stroller + E + 17C + sunny/brilliant blue sky.
  8. Hugging my hubby upon his arrival home after a weekend away.
  9. Seeing E’s contentment sitting in his daddy’s lap after a weekend apart.
  10. All E’s usual little things: happy breastfeeding noises, post-prandial “singing”, heavy eyelids on the way to Napland, grabbing own toes in fascination, smiles and giggles and more smiles.  I even treasure the spit-up, poop leakage, and crying, because I know the truth: I’m the luckiest mom in the blogiverse.  Or anywhere.

Happy Five Months, my baby love. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Hee hee…

November 8, 2009

Secret’s out!

That is to say, my lovely blogtacular sister knows I have a blog, because I commented on her blog while (b)logged in as my blogself.  And then she wrote about it on Facebook, so who knows who will know next??

Funny, because I was already thinking about writing today about how I’m not good at keeping secrets.  I keep almost mentioning this new endeavor to people, especially my husband, and then reminding myself that it’s a wee experiment of sorts, to see whether people will find it by other means than me directly telling them.  Clearly, this is one way.

Thus, my original audience, the ether, is disturbed by my first human witness.  It swirls about, distracted, no longer really paying attention, wondering if there will be others.

Speaking of secrets, it was just like this (well, sort of) when I got pregnant.  We didn’t want to tell the masses until the 12-week mark, just to be on the safe side.  But that secret jounced and rattled around inside me, wanting to be let out, hopping up to my lips only to be pushed down again.  (Found out at the first ultrasound that the baby was pretty jouncy too.)

Then, by the time we were ready to tell, the secret had been so firmly quelled that it hid from me.  For one thing, it seemed somehow imaginary; after all, I couldn’t yet feel the baby moving, and didn’t look pregnant.  And we’d been pretending, for the most part, that it didn’t exist.  Now I was trying to find ways to tell my co-workers and my fellow dancers, and I couldn’t get the words out.  It never seemed like a good time.  You don’t want to break into a conversation in progress with “Hey, I’m pregnant!”  You don’t want to fabricate an excuse to bring it up.  Suddenly I understood why a friend of mine had simply blurted out her pregnancy during a random lull in conversation at an Oscar party: just get ‘er done!  But I couldn’t make myself do that either.

As it turns out, I did it the chickenish way at school… I just told my students and let them spread the word.  Which they basically did.  And with my troupe-mates, the perfect opportunity finally presented itself at the dress rehearsal for our big show: a large group of belly dancers is crowded around the fruit tray, and the longer-term members are discussing how every year during the show, someone is pregnant.  “But this year…”  No better chance than this exists to say “Actually, I’m pregnant.”  The news made our teacher/artistic director shriek with delight.

This also reminds me of two times I’ve unwittingly provided that perfect opportunity to others.  (How lovely of me, n’est-ce pas?)  Once in the staff room a co-worker was talking with especial passion about some kind of hot dog she wished she had in front of her.  Dilovely joked, “Ha ha, you sound like you’re pregnant!”  Yes she was.

And another time I was visiting with friends, and the guys and the girls were preparing to engage in separate forms of entertainment (as gravitationally happens at more get-togethers than we modern folk like to admit), and for some strange reason I said, “So who’s drinking tonight, the guys or the girls?”  What kind of bizarre question is that?  Seems the pregnancy angel must have planted it in my head, because it was the Question that was needed for my friend to reveal the news.

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NaBloPoMo, NaNoWriMo. (DoWiSeTrePla?)

November 7, 2009

How auspicious!  I have started blogging, just by coincidence, during NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month.  All I have to do is blog every day… no problem!  (Way easier than if I had to jog every day.  I am just not a runner.)  Of course, I missed a couple days there, but I can do some extras on the end, right?  And then, I mean, does anyone actually get to the end of a blog?  I can just keep going!

My aunt has done NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, many times.  My cousin is doing it this year.  My husband thought he might one time, but he works in a bookstore where November is already Christmas and life is crazy by then.  Plus he’s not good at being regular about writing.

I, on the other hand, am good at being regular about writing, when I put my mind to it.  I think I may have mentioned that I was a compulsive journaler for most of my life; I also wrote lots of stories, three chapter books, and a bunch of incomplete opuses (opi?) during my homeschooling years.

Once, in high school, I wrote an English essay in which my teacher could find absolutely nothing to criticize.  And once I wrote an analysis for music class that compelled my teacher to call me at home the evening she marked it, just to tell me it was lovely.  (See??  Lovely.)

When I did my MA in French lit, I wrote a 75-page mémoire on ways women convey their messages (l’énonciation) in francophone Africa.  (Mostly I did the whole MA just to prove to myself that I could be disciplined enough to write that big a paper in French.)

I journaled all through my pregnancy and have been trying to keep up with a bit of a new mom journal as well.  And my project I’m imagining – it has to do with writing too.

The point I’m finally getting to is that, as apparently experienced and confident a writer though I am, I’m still intimidated by people doing NaNoWriMo.  I am in awe of them.  People actually write whole books, or at least very respectable chunks of books, in that time.  And I… I somehow feel that I can’t write a book.

At least, I can’t write the book I want to write.  I could probably write a book of essays, ha ha.  I could maybe write something non-fiction.  But I’d like to write an epic story – and my pre-teen girl dramas unfortunately do not fit the bill.  I want it to be a book that would make people feel the way the books I love make me feel: proud and inspired.

Proud, you say?  Yes, proud.  My favourite books put me so firmly in the shoes of the protagonist that I feel as awesome as if their accomplishments were my own.  I am as skilled at Quidditch and fighting evil as Harry.  I am as beautiful and fascinating as Bella.  I am as desirable and passionate as Dinah.  I am as smart, sexy and resourceful as Lusa and Deanna.  And I possess incredible selflessness and love in the face of years of suffering, just like Jean Valjean.

When you finish a book like that, you are satisfied, and also wistful because you’re going to miss those people you’ve been keeping company with.  That is the kind of book I want to write.

But what can I actually write about?  How could I come up with such good ideas and brilliant characters… especially when such wonderful books of all kinds already exist?  Where can I find this imagination, and marry it to the passion and inspiration that will allow me to write a truly great story?

I’m still figuring that out.  If I find the answer, I’ll let you (the ether) know.

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Categories: Dreambition, Miscelliterature.

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Dilovely's Little List of Goals

November 6, 2009

I’m enjoying this.  I enjoy that I don’t need preamble or continuity to write in my Bloggy Blog.  No constraints on length or level of awesomeness.

(When my sister started her blog and left for Europe, I discovered that my baby son gives big smiles when you say “Blogblogblogblogblog.”)

What was my topic again?

Oh right.  Since I am so far writing just for me, I might as well remind myself of my goals.

  1. Raise a happy, healthy son.  (Piece o’ cake.  Ha ha.)
  2. Bellydance my way back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
  3. Write in my blog.
  4. Write all those articles that have been filling my mind since I’ve been not at work hyper-concentrating all day.
  5. Write a book.
  6. Finish my symphony.
  7. Record my piano pieces.
  8. Translate works of literature with eloquence and subtlety.
  9. Muckle on to that special project I’ve been imagining.
  10. Orchestrate the perfect publicity plan for my Favourite Place.

Ten seems good.  Don’t want to overwhelm myself.  HAH!  How will I have time to go back to work??  Guess I better add number 11: Get rich quick.

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Categories: Bloggenesis, Dreambition.

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A few of today's thoughts

November 5, 2009
  • It occurs to me that I might seem conceited to choose the user name dilovely.  I wanted to emphasize the love part, since I’m very aware of love, and like to make sure people hear about it when I love them.  Okay?
  • Wait, why do I care if the ether thinks I’m conceited?  Shoot, I guess even in this anonymous blogiverse I have insecurities, shyness.
  • Hey, what’s the matter with me??  Dilovely, own this!  I am lovely.  I have thick hair and a nice singing voice and a mean hip shimmy.  And I’m nice to people, I know my manners, and I give great hugs.  Lovely.

And on a more random note,

  • How weird is it to get passed on a country road by two white-haired seniors in a zooming white Buick?

And on the opposite of a random note – on the topic that currently consumes my life,

  • Parenting is a hard job.  It never has break time, and every single decision you make, there are one jillion different opinions on it from books and peers and parents.  And it’s like teaching: the more you care about doing it well, the more difficult it is.
  • Been visiting with mom friends and their babies three days this week, and I must just say this: women’s birth stories are as unique and amazing as the women themselves.  That baby onesie that says “Who needs superheroes when I have my mom?” is not a joke.
  • I know it’s a total cliche, but is there anything more beautiful than a sleeping baby?
  • and is there anything more gratifying than a baby smiling hugely at you?
  • or any greater joy than baby chuckles?

I doubt it.

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What a healthy fad this is.

November 4, 2009

I’m just realizing something as I think about writing a blog for the first time.

Everyone out there who has decided to write a blog is journalling. And that’s great!

I’m like Oprah. (Okay, I’m not really much like Oprah at all, but go with it.) I always recommend writing what you’re thinking or feeling, especially when your mind is jumbled. Since I was very young, writing in my diary has been my way of figuring out how I really feel, making decisions, letting off steam, ordering my thoughts.

Nowadays, I have little time for my handwritten journal… and a part of me is very sad about that. But putting words on a page is still putting words on a page, and still accomplishes much.

And look at this!! A whole universe of bloggers, putting words on pages. Clarifying their minds. GOOD FOR YOU, bloggers! This is very good exercise. Be proud.

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It's 11:06 on a Monday and I've decided to start blogging??

November 3, 2009

Well.

Here I am, writing into the ether.  I did not plan to blog today or even any time soon, therefore did not tell anyone I know, “Hey, check out my blog later!”

In fact, I’m not even sure I will tell anyone I know.  Maybe it will be my own secret, me offering my thoughts to an undetermined audience.  (That’s not a slight – you, audience, may be very determined indeed.)

And there is the possibility that no-one will ever read this!  That’s actually kind of exciting.  It’s like graffiti-ing your name along with the name of your secret crush, really tiny on a big wall of graffiti, just putting it out there and leaving the rest up to destiny.

Of course, if no-one reads it, it’s no skin off my nose.  I have dozens of volumes of journals that (to my knowledge) have never been read by anyone but me, and I still consider that writing time well spent.

So my goal here is, um… huh.  I guess it’s to write about whatever thing I feel like, whenever I feel like it.  Not to try to keep up with anything or be thematic or profound or incisive.  I just like writing – and these days I feel obliged to be orderly in most of my journalish endeavors.  Sometimes it’s good to be random.

So hello, no-obligations blog!  Cheers to you.  And now, au revoir.  The baby’s asleep and I should really go brush my teeth.

How’s that for a pizazzy first blog post?  Zing!  (Wonder if I’ll read this later and feel compelled to delete it.  ;D)

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